


Love Was Meant to Find You

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Kane (Band), Smallville RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-11
Updated: 2011-03-19
Packaged: 2018-09-03 00:17:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8689210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Jared is a romance writer who has recently had his heart broken, Jensen is a singer in a band who isn't into relationships.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** A huge thank you to Anessavanella who beta'd the story and made it better.  
>  _______________

Jared couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Sandy, his fiancé, the woman he loved more than anything, wrapped in someone else’s arms, kissing him with more passion than she’d shown him lately. It can’t be true! There must be some kind of reasonable explanation for this. Though what kind of explanation could account for her leaning up against some guy in the backstage of the bar and making out with him was beyond anything Jared could come up with. “Sandy!” Jared called to her, voice full of disbelief. 

 

Sandy looked over at him, the look on her face confirming to Jared what he didn’t want to believe. “Jared, what are you doing here?” she asked surprise in her voice and guilt written all over her features. Her big brown eyes most definitely were not shining with the love he had hoped to see when he planned the surprise date. Instead they were darting between him and the other guy. “Chad and I were uh…. we were…”

 

Looking at the guy again Jared recognized him, Chad Michael Murray the drummer in the band that Sandy was in. “Yeah, I saw what you were up to” Jared replied unable to keep his hurt and anger from showing. Standing there, he let the bouquet of flowers he had bought for the occasion drop to the floor. Staring at Sandy for another few seconds he turned and bolted out of the room, feeling like he was going to throw up. 

 

“Jared wait! Stop, let me talk to you please” Sandy begged, running after him. Catching up to Jared she caught his wrist and pulled him to face her. 

 

Jared snatched back his wrist, almost sending her flying. She was petite with big brown eyes and long dark hair. She was beautiful and Jared had loved her with all of his heart. They had been engaged for the last 2 years and the wedding date was only 3 months away. Jared came to a stop and with eyes filling with tears asked “What, what could you possibly have to say?” unable to stop the anguish from bleeding out in his voice. 

 

“I’m sorry Jared. I do care for you, I do. But I don’t really love you anymore, if I ever did. I thought I did, but it wasn’t enough to make me forget Chad. I guess I’ve always been in love with him. But he was seeing someone else, and then you came along. You were so nice to me, and I did like you. I wanted to love you, to return the love you gave me, but then Chad was suddenly free and well, I love him.” Sandy seemed to be trying to sound compassionate, but it just came out condescending. 

 

“How long have you been with him? Our wedding is in 3 months. Were you even going to tell me or just not show up? Or were you going to go ahead with the marriage and then cheat on me?” Jared’s voice had moved from hurt into anger, how could this woman who had appeared to be so warm and loving really be a lying, cheating bitch? Not waiting for a response he ground out “We’re through” and stormed out of the building. 

****

The following month went by in a haze of alcohol. He sometimes remembered to eat if he got hungry enough. Sometimes he actually slept instead of just passing out drunk. Sometimes he would shower. But he had more or less given up on shaving or laundry or his writing. He didn’t answer the phone because he didn’t want to talk to anyone, but he also didn’t want anyone coming to the house to see if he was okay, so he would send the occasional text or e-mail to friends, family and his editor. 

 

He hadn’t written anything since that fateful day, and now Jeff Morgan, his editor was getting antsy for some new chapters in the book he was supposed to be finishing for release in six months. Morgan was sending almost daily e-mails now, with the last one threatening an in-person visit if Jared didn’t call him. Jared was considering whether to cave in and make the call, or just send another e-mail when his cell rang. “Are you home?” It was Morgan. 

 

With a sigh Jared asked “Why Jeff. So you can come out here and harass me? Look, I’m just going through a bit of a dry spell. Don’t worry you’ll get the book in time.” He sounded as tired and despondent as he felt. He knew he was lying to Jeff, because really, how could he possibly finish writing his latest romance novel when his own love life had failed so miserably. Sure the genre was pretty much formulaic but you still had to dredge up the words to make the emotions come alive for the readers. And if you were wallowing in misery you really couldn’t find the words to make others feel the thrill of romance. The words used to flow out of him like the water rushing in a river, but now he just stared at the paper and the words wouldn’t even leak never mind flow. 

 

“Look, I know you’re home, so open the door” Morgan demanded.

 

Confused now he looked up from the sofa, where he had parked himself in front of the TV, towards his front door. “Open the door?” he questioned, then added suspiciously “why, what did you do Jeff?” 

 

“Just open the door Jared” Morgan repeated exasperated. 

 

Instead of going to the door Jared walked over to the large bay window that afforded a view of his front yard and the street. There, parked in his driveway was a mid sized tan car that wasn’t his. Heaving a sigh he ran his hand through his hair, then dragged himself over to the door. Pulling it open he was unsurprised to see Jeff Morgan standing there. “Well come on in” Jared turned and walked back into the living room leaving Jeff to close the door and follow him. “To what do I owe this displeasure” Jared sat and frowned at his visitor. 

 

“Well, my my, aren’t you just the picture of a happy romance writer about to walk down the aisle and live his own real life romance” Jeff replied sarcastically as he took in Jared’s disheveled appearance. Looking at his uncombed hair, wrinkled and stained tee shirt and 

sweat pants Jeff shook his head and changed his tone to one of real concern. “Really Jared, what’s going on with you? You don’t return calls, you haven’t met the last deadline for new chapters, hell you haven’t even supplied even part of one new chapter. Your e-mails are little more than one-liners. Clearly something’s wrong. Now what’s up?” 

 

Sitting back against the sofa with his hands clasped together in his lap Jared shook his head not meeting Jeff’s eyes replied “You shouldn’t have bothered to come all the way out here. There’s nothing anyone can do. And no, I’m not the picture of someone about to walk down the aisle and live happily ever after, cuz the wedding is off.” Saying the words out loud to another person was almost surreal. He hadn’t even really said them to himself yet. Had just come home crawled into a bottle of tequila and cried until he had nothing left, just emptiness. Now, saying the words to Jeff he felt nothing, he was just numb. He no longer felt so sad and depressed that all he wanted was to deaden himself with alcohol. It was a relief to feel empty, to not feel the pain. Poking at it like pushing your tongue against a toothache, testing to see if the pain was really gone Jared continued “I don’t want to go into details, but I caught her cheating on me so the wedding is off.” Still nothing. Nodding his head to himself, that’s good, he thought. 

 

“Wow, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry Jared”. Jeff studied Jared more closely. He wasn’t just one of his writers, he was also a friend. They had known each other before Jeff got the job in the publishing house and moved out to New York. Jeff had been the editor of the local Advocate and an assistant professor at the college where Jared had been taking a creative writing class. Jeff thought Jared’s writing style was interesting, and even as a 22 year old student, he was a better writer than some of the professional reporters at the paper. He got Jared a job at the paper and they became friends, not just mentor/mentee. Then when Jeff had gotten the job as one of the editors in the fiction department at the publishing house he had encouraged Jared to forward some chapters for a romance novel, as the company was expanding their stable of writers in that genre. Jared had gone along with it thinking why not. It probably wouldn’t lead to anything, but on the off chance it did, being a published author would be the fulfillment of his dreams, though romance wasn’t really what he had considered when he dreamt of being an author. When he was offered a contract for a book he decided to write under the name of a female, because really, who buys romance novels penned by a guy. So to the romance world he was known as Jane Palaki. 

 

Jared was now a 25 year old best selling author, no longer the naïve 22 year old student Jeff first met, but yet somehow he still carried that air of innocence about him. He was always so open with people, always ready with a smile and open heart. It hurt to see him so closed off and down. Jeff decided maybe the best way to get Jared out of the abyss he seemed to have fallen in, and back into some kind of normal life, was to just get him moving again. Judging from his appearance and the number of empty bottles strewn on and near the coffee table Jared hadn’t been doing anything much other than sitting and drinking. Hoping this wasn’t going to make things worse Jeff patted him on the knee and in a practical tone said “Okay, well have you told anyone yet that the wedding is off? I know I was invited and I didn’t know. You don’t want guests showing up to the church and be surprised do you? And what about your stag? That’s probably already planned too. You don’t want all your friends showing up and wondering where you are right. Come on, its time to start moving and getting this stuff done. I’ll give you a hand. Who’s your best man? We’ll get him over here and start letting everyone know and canceling everything.” 

****

It was now 6pm. Jared had called Misha at 11am to come over. Once Misha heard everything and saw Jared's state and the messy house, he called Tom and Mike for back-up. They had cajoled Jared into showering and shaving and getting laundry at least started. Tom and Mike set about picking up the house and reclaiming it from the pig-sty it had become. Misha and Jeff called all of Jared’s wedding guests to inform them the wedding was called off. They presumed that Sandy had cancelled the church and reception hall, photographer and DJ. Misha then started placing calls to all of the guys he had invited for the stag while Jeff placed the cancellation for the hall and all of the booze and food. 

 

Jared had showered, and with the help of Tom and Mike his house was now clean too. It was dinner time and they were all hungry. Misha and Jeff decided it was time for Jared to get out of the house too, so they all piled into Jeff’s rental and Misha’s car and went to Jake’s. It was a local pub serving the best hot wings and burgers in the area, at least in Tom’s opinion. It also had a nice selection of micro brews and a small area for a band and dancing on the weekends. There was a back room with a pool table and dart board for those interested in more than alcohol and food. 

 

They were sitting at a booth that seats six, the old red leather cracked and ripped in places. The floor was sticky under foot. There were 2 pitchers sitting in the middle of the table, one empty the other half empty. Jared had yet to mutter more than 2 words to anyone, but at least he was cleaned up and out of the house. Tom was trying to draw Jared into their conversation regarding the upcoming game between the Lakers and the Spurs, but Jared sat there just staring at the table top. He picked his head up only when he heard Misha happily proclaim “Oh good you came” and looked up to see Vicky, Misha’s wife standing there with a petite brunette. Misha stood, gave his seat to Vicky while the brunette sat across from her, next to Tom in the last vacant seat in the booth. Misha pulled a chair up to the end of the booth. 

 

Vicky smiled at them and introduced the brunette “Hey everyone, I want you to meet Genevieve, she just moved into the condo next door to us. Gen, meet the guys, Tom, Mike, Jared, my husband Misha and um, I’m afraid I don’t know this one” she pointed at Jeff. Misha then introduced Jeff to the ladies. 

 

Misha had noticed that Jared was unable to stop staring at Genevieve, taking notice of the fact that like Sandy she was very small, with long brown hair and big brown eyes. So not the right choice to bring along, tonight of all nights. Misha leaned over and whispered in Vicky’s ear, informing her of the day’s events. He was about to suggest that Vicky find a reason to leave and take Gen away when the girl in question blurted out “Oh Vicky, I see some people I know from work. Daneel and Jason are here. I’m just going to go over and say hi ok? See you later?” she said pointing over to a table across the bar. Everyone turned and looked to where she was pointing. 

 

The table she indicated was occupied by two guys and a female. They watched her go over to the table and give a big hug to the other female and a smile to the two guys. As they were watching this exchange they saw two more guys join the little party. 

 

Returning their attention to their own table Misha, Tom and Mike all noticed Jeff still staring at the other table, mouth open. Tom was about to ask him what was wrong when Jeff suddenly called out to the other table “Jensen!”


	2. Chapter 2

Jensen couldn’t believe it. He hadn’t seen Jeff in five years, but he still looked the same, with those brown eyes that sparkled and dimples just peeking out from edge of his beard. Jeff still looked younger than his 40 years. Jensen looked him up and down appreciatively, yeah, he would do him again. Jensen let himself recall their time together. It was one of the very few times he dated someone for more than a few times. He had actually been with Jeff for two months, a real long term relationship for Jensen. But when Jeff asked Jensen to move in with him that was it for Jensen. Too much commitment involved. Time to move on. 

 

They spent the next hour catching up with each other’s lives, Jensen told Jeff all about how he was now playing guitar and doing back up vocals for his friend Chris Kane’s band, and found out that Jeff was now an editor in the romance department of a major publishing house in Manhattan. Upon further inquiry from Jensen, Jeff had told him how he was back in LA for a few days checking up on one of his authors. Jensen could just imagine some oversexed female trying to get into Jeff’s pants and had a good laugh. 

 

“What’s so funny?” Jeff asked, believing Jensen was laughing at his job.

 

Wiping his hand down his face Jensen stopped laughing, but still smiling responded “I could just see some sex starved homely spinster drooling after your ass while you encourage her to write soft porn to increase sales.” Jensen started to snicker again. 

 

“Yeah, not exactly” Jeff smirked back at him. “Come on over to the table and I’ll introduce you.”

 

Jensen took a look over at the table Jeff had left. There was only one female and she was fine looking. She was quite obviously not some homely spinster, practically sitting on the lap of one of the guys at the table with her tongue down his throat. She looked like she would have no problem writing soft porn scenes. But she wasn’t exactly his type. He preferred his partners to be more hard bodied and muscular, like Jeff. A hook-up for old time’s sake wouldn’t be a bad turn of events as far as Jensen was concerned. With that in mind he agreed to go back to Jeff’s table with him. 

 

Jeff made the introductions all around and Jensen noted the fondness he had when he introduced the guy, Jared. Jensen took a closer look at him. He was young, at least 4 or 5 years younger than Jensen. He was surprised that Jeff would be into someone so young, but on the other hand there was a 10 year difference in their ages and they had hooked-up, so really would 15 years make that much of a difference. Jensen decided he could see why Jeff would be attracted to the guy. He was tall, dark and handsome. He had beautiful silky chestnut hair, intriguing hazel eyes that were kind of tilted, cat shaped with long lashes. High cheekbones and wide pink lips and a mole near his nose. Altogether he was almost exotic looking. If he wasn’t already taken Jensen would be more than happy to reel him in for a quickie. He looked absolutely delectable. Jensen looked back to see Jeff frowning at him, clearly warning him off of Jared. Ah well, looked like he wasn’t going to be hooking up with either Jeff or Jared tonight. 

 

Trying to take his mind off his libido he turned to Vicki “so, you write romance novels?” he asked, trying to start a conversation. 

 

She looked at him confused, then started to laugh “I guess Jeff didn’t tell you which one of us here is the author. No, I don’t write. Jared here is the author” she said pointing her manicured finger at the object of his desire. 

 

“You don’t say” Jensen smirked over at Jeff. So he was boinking his author. Looking back at Jared he asked “so, you write anything I might have read” trying to get the guy to look at him. He knew Jeff couldn’t be serious about the guy, they lived on opposite coasts and the way Jared was displaying no real interest in Jeff made it obvious they weren’t a couple. 

 

Jensen was rewarded with a smile from the pink lips, and was immediately drawn in by those huge dimples that suddenly appeared with the smile. God, they were even bigger than Jeff’s. “Not unless you have the same interest in literature as a young female” was the response. Jared looked at him with humor shining in his eyes and gave him a wink. 

 

Jensen watched as Jared lifted his glass and drained the rest of his beer, watching that long throat work as the beer was gulped down. Jared’s tongue came out to chase the drops of liquid around his lips and Jensen felt his already twitching cock take further notice. Yeah, he could really think of some things he would like to be doing with those lips. Licking his own he leaned forward, eyes connecting with Jared’s “I’ve heard that those kinds of books are really just soft porn, so where do you get your inspiration from? Got any particular someone to inspire you?” he practically leered at him. He didn’t believe that Jared would be shocked by an advance because really, what totally straight guy would write romance novels. He had no ring so he was presumably not in any kind of committed relationship with a girl or guy. So yeah, open season on Jared. 

 

He watched the smile disappear as Jared lowered his eyes and respond in an almost whisper “no, don’t have anyone.” He looked so sad and lost, Jensen wanted to gather him into his arms and kiss him better. The sad kicked puppy look he now wore definitely wasn’t something Jensen wanted to see on his face. The table became instantly quiet as all eyes were riveted on Jared. Jensen could tell he had said something wrong. He really wanted to get Jared to look at him and smile again. 

 

He was trying to think of something light to break the silence when Jeff clapped a hand on Jared’s shoulder “Well, I think it’s time to get you home. I don’t know about you, but I’m beat after the long day we had.” Jeff said with forced cheerfulness. 

 

Jensen watched Jared give Jeff a small smile, shrug his shoulders and get up from the table. He held his hand out to Jeff, “it was good to see you again Jeff. If you’re going to be in town for awhile give me a call tomorrow. You still have my number don’t you? Maybe the three of us could get together. Our band is playing here tomorrow night. I know you’re here to see Jared but I’d like to see you again.” Then turning to Jared he gave him a big smile, and holding onto Jared’s hand longer than usual for a handshake, Jensen ran his thumb over the back of Jared’s hand and trying to hold his eye to deepen the connection, he invited “Jared maybe you can use your influence to get Jeff to agree to have the three of us get together tomorrow night, come listen to the band and get some dinner. I’d like to catch up some more with Jeff and would like to get to know you better.” Finally letting go of Jared’s hand he returned to his own table. 

****

Jared had remained quiet the whole ride back to his house not really paying any attention to the other conversations going on in the car. He was trying to sort out his confusing thoughts and emotions about the handsome green eyed man he had met. They hadn’t really had too much to say to each other at the bar but Jensen had made it clear he was interested in Jared. At least he thinks he did, he hadn’t really been involved in any kind of flirtations for quite a while, and usually it was with a female. But when they were introduced and Jared had looked up into the green eyes and saw naked desire radiating from those eyes he had felt his pulse quicken and his gut tighten in familiar physical attraction. But he wasn’t sure he was really attracted to Jensen so much as he was reacting to being wanted by someone. But when Jensen held onto his hand and stroked the back with his thumb Jared’s dick had started to take notice. Jared couldn’t decide if he was really attracted to Jensen, or if he was just horny. But either way he was a bit intrigued. 

 

“So Jeff, how do you know Jensen?” Jared asked, “He seemed like a nice guy” he continued, keeping his eyes trained on the beer bottled cradled in his hands. They were sitting in his living room in front of the TV with a basketball game on, the sound on low. Everyone else had left and Jared was contemplating Jensen’s offer to meet tomorrow. He had felt strangely drawn to the guy, like he wanted to get to know him better. He could feel Jeff’s eyes on him, studying him.

 

“Jensen and I had a thing about 5 years ago. He’s a nice guy, but Jared, he’s a player. He’s someone who likes the chase, not so much the staying around after he’s caught his prey. Unless you want a one-time hook-up he’s not for you.” Jeff replied with a frown and stern voice. 

 

Rolling his eyes at Jeff, exasperated Jared responded “I was just considering if we should go tomorrow night to listen to his band, not to jump into his pants. You know I’m not ready to get involved with anyone right now.”

 

“See, that’s just it Jared. That’s the problem with you getting to know Jensen. You hear involvement or relationship when someone brings up a hook-up, and Jensen only thinks of a night or two. And that’s precisely why you shouldn’t go tomorrow”. Jeff was concerned. He had seen the naked interest in Jensen’s eyes and knew how fragile Jared’s psyche was at this time. 

 

“I’m not a child Jeff. I’m tired of being holed up in the house. I think it's time I started my life again.” Turning his big pleading eyes on Jeff he continued “Come on Jeff, go with me tomorrow night.” Then with a smile lightening the mood “you can protect me from the big bad wolf”.

 

Jeff looked at those eyes and knew he was lost. Trying to salvage something from the situation he responded “I’ll tell you what. You start writing again tomorrow morning and I’ll go with you tomorrow night.”

 

His smile turning blinding and dimples out in full force “deal!” Jared practically squealed. Later lying in bed Jared was trying to figure out exactly why he was filled with anticipation for tomorrow night.


	3. Chapter 3

It was 5pm and Jensen was back at Jake’s, setting up the equipment with the rest of the band for later that evening. The dinner crowd was just starting to build. Jensen kept looking around at the tables hoping to see Jeff or really Jeff and Jared. Okay he was hoping to see Jared. He hadn’t gotten a call from Jeff but was still hoping they would show up. Noticing his nervous energy, Daneel smirked at him “looking for someone Jen, someone tall dark and handsome maybe?” She had noticed the amount of time he had spent talking with Jeff last night and how he had deserted them to join Jeff’s table, so assumed it was him that Jensen was looking for. She certainly wouldn’t have minded having a go at him if Jensen wasn’t calling dibs. 

 

“What, no, no I’m not looking for anyone” Jensen looked over at her, a little flustered at being caught out. Scowling at her he continued “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The door to the pub opened again and glancing up he saw a group come in that did not include Jared. Forgetting to hide his disappointment from his face he heard Daneel’s snicker and looked over at her again. “Okay, so maybe I am hoping he shows up tonight” he told her a little sheepishly, ducking his head. 

 

Daneel gave him a pat on the shoulder “He is quite good looking, and living on the opposite coast would pretty much guarantee that you wouldn’t have to worry about getting caught in a relationship. I know how phobic you are about that. Although now that you’ve turned 30 don’t you think it might be time to consider settling down?” 

 

“Hey 30 isn’t old and you’re right behind me there so don’t be so smug” he said a little insulted. Then taking in the rest of what she said he added “no I’m not really interested in Jeff. We already had our time, though if he volunteered I wouldn’t turn him down.”

 

“Well then, who has you so wound up” Daneel asked with interest. Whoever the mystery man was, he must be something for him to have gotten under Jensen’s skin like this. She noticed Jensen go still; his eyes widen and followed his gaze. Walking in the doorway was Jeff and a young man, taller than Jeff, great body, longish dark hair. Yeah he was nice looking but Daneel liked her men more mature than what this boy appeared to be. “Him?” she asked surprised. “Don’t you think he’s a little young for you Jensen?” 

 

Not responding to Daneel, he strode over to them and with a big smile directed at Jared and a glance in Jeff’s direction he exclaimed “so you decided to come! Awesome! Hey you guys don’t mind waiting a bit before we get something eat do you? I just have to help finish setting up the equipment for later.” Jensen could hear himself practically babbling, but seemed unable to stop. He was usually so cool and collected he couldn’t believe the way he was acting. He felt like a teenager on his first date. This was ridiculous. He didn’t get worked up over other guys, he just picked someone he was attracted to and screwed them, end of story. So what was up with this crazy pull he was feeling toward Jared? 

****

Sitting across the booth from Jared, Jeff didn’t know whether he should be amused at the way he saw Jensen reacting to Jared, or concerned about the way he perceived Jared respond to Jensen. He had never seen Jensen flustered like this. He was concerned that Jared would get involved in a rebound romance in which he would only wind up getting hurt again, this time by Jensen. On the other hand maybe a rebound guy was exactly what Jared needed, someone to fuck without all the emotional baggage. Except as far as Jeff could see Jared was one of those guys who wanted an emotional attachment before bedding someone. Well, he was like that with girls, maybe he was different with guys, but Jeff doubted it. “Jared, just remember what I told you about Jensen. I don’t want to see you get hurt again. He’s a man whore who’ll rip your heart out if you give him half the chance.”

 

Jared shook his head at Jeff “we didn’t come here for me to hook-up Jeff. We just came out for some food and music. I haven’t been out of the house for the last month and I’m tired of being cooped up, okay” he said with an exasperated eye roll. 

****

Jared had ordered a cheeseburger with fries, as had Jeff. Jensen, who was now sitting next to him had ordered the chili with a side salad and Daneel who had decided to join them and was sitting next to Jeff had ordered the Caesar Salad. Jared could see that Jeff and Daneel were really hitting it off. They had their eyes glued to each other and barely noticed that Jensen and Jared shared the booth with them. Jared had asked Jensen a question about what kind of music his band played, and as Jensen was responding Jared found himself not paying attention to what he was saying. Instead he found himself staring at those plush red lips. He was imagining them sealed around his engorged hard dick, sucking him down while he stared up at him with those beautiful green eyes. Oh god, his jeans were getting uncomfortably tight and he could feel himself starting to flush, he could feel the heat spreading up his chest to his neck, inching up to his face. He would embarrass himself at this rate if he couldn’t control his imagination. He needed to get his mind back to reality. Tearing his eyes away from those perfect lips he squirmed in his seat and returned his attention to his plate. 

 

Picking up some fries he dragged them through the ketchup before popping them into his mouth and realized Jensen had stopped speaking. Looking over at him again, he saw Jensen had a smirk on his face, shit, he must have seen him staring. He watched as Jensen reached out and took a fry from his plate, ran it through the ketchup, then slowly licked the ketchup off before sucking the fry into his mouth. Jensen then laid his hand on Jared’s thigh, half way between his knee and crotch, high enough to be suggestive without being obscene. Jared full on blushed, his dick getting even harder, making him squirm even more. Jensen let his hand slide from the top of Jared’s thigh down to his inner thigh, then giving it a little squeeze “So it’s just about time for the show. You are going to stay until our break aren’t you?” he asked, green eyes holding hazel ones captive. 

 

Jared was having a hard time concentrating. Jensen had asked a question he needed to give an answer. Were they going to stay? All he could think to say was “Yeah sure”. With another squeeze to his thigh Jensen leaned in close and with his lips brushing Jared’s ear, voice dropping an octave making shivers run up Jared’s spine “I’ll see you later then”. The way he said it left Jared breathless. He couldn’t get up and leave if he wanted to. Jared knew he wanted Jensen. Knew Jensen wanted him. Watching Jensen walk away from their table he felt his pulse quicken at the thought of filling that tight ass with his cock. He could do a one night stand. He didn’t care what his friends thought about him falling in love too easily, he was pretty sure that he was just horny and if he could plow Jensen’s ass and get it over with then he could stop thinking about the man constantly. Because he had to face it, ever since he first laid eyes on him last night he had pretty much been obsessing about him. Not just his gorgeous eyes, perfect lips and tight ass. He also appreciated those broad shoulders, muscular biceps. He probably also had great abs and legs. Those freckles sprinkled across his face were pretty damn cute too. It would be interesting to find out where else he might find those freckles.

 

“Jared, are you listening to me? Have you heard a word I’ve said?” Jeff asked him from across the table. “Daneel is nice don’t you think, pretty too. You want to stay for while?” Jeff continued, trying to not look as hopeful as he sounded. Jared smiled at him, relieved Jeff was so engrossed with Daneel he hadn’t noticed Jared’s reaction to Jensen. “Sure, we can stay awhile if you like” he told Jeff, pretending he didn’t care. Now all he had to do was try to will away the raging hard on he was sporting. 

****

Jensen was actually having trouble keeping his mind on the music. This had never happened to him before. He kept looking out into the audience, searching out longish chestnut hair and tilted hazel eyes. What the hell was wrong with him? He was used to being attracted to someone, having his cock take notice of a hard body or pretty face, but he wasn’t used to his mind (not his heart, his heart was absolutely not involved here) becoming preoccupied with someone. There was just no reason for that. Yeah he wanted Jared up his ass, make him shiver and shake and come, then turn around and do the same to that tight ass. Or maybe stick his dick so far down that long throat Jared would sound hoarse the next day. Crap, he was getting uncomfortably hard and nothing he could do about it until the set broke at the end of the song. Yeah, he was looking forward to spending sometime in the back room and finding out if Jared was proportionate. Considering how big Jared was everywhere else, Jensen’s mouth was watering at the prospect of getting his hands, and everything else, on that cock. 

 

Closing his guitar up in its case and jumping down from the stage Jensen was disappointed to see Daneel and Jeff heading to the back room already. Damn, now he’d need another plan of attack. And to make matters worse Chris and Steve were trying to drag him over to the bar. Looking over he could see Jared sitting alone in the booth being eyed up by the single girls, and some guys, at the bar. They knew fresh meat with they saw it, and Jensen wanted to make sure he was the one to bag the big guy. He could feel himself being stared at, looked up and saw his friends smirking at him. “Someone catch your eye Jen” Chris asked, throwing his arm around Jensen’s shoulder. 

 

“Maybe” Jensen tried to keep his tone even. Fingering the van keys in his pocket he winked at Chris, “I might be late for the next set”, and getting 2 beers from the bartender headed over to Jared. Jensen sat across from Jared, set one beer in front of the younger man, leaned across the table trying to make the setting as intimate as possible, “so you enjoying the show so far?”

 

“Uh, yeah, it’s good”. Jared’s response was a little slurred. 

 

Nodding his head in approval, Jensen tilted his bottle to the one in front of Jared and gulped down half the beer. Jared picked his up and took a sip. “I see Jeff and Daneel seem to have hit if off.” Jensen tried to get Jared to focus on him. “Its pretty hot up there on stage, I could use some fresh air, how about we take these outside.” 

 

His head feeling heavy and a little foggy, unable to think of a reason to say no, although he had a nagging feeling that is precisely what he should say, Jared nodded his head “sure, why not”. 

****

Jared wasn’t quite sure how it was he came to be lying in the back of a van, his jeans and boxer-briefs around his knees and his bare ass on the cold floor, but with Jensen’s hand slowly jacking him, he didn’t really care. He looked over at Jensen sitting next to him through half closed unfocused eyes, and watched as his tongue slowly licked around his lips like he was a starving man about to sit at a banquet. Jared let out a soft moan and rocked his hips up trying to signal to Jensen to apply more pressure. Instead Jensen let go of his leaking cock. “So beautiful” he heard Jensen murmur, and then watched as Jensen leaned down and licked his cock from base to head. Then taking the head in his mouth swirled his tongue around it before licking into the slit and sucking on the head. Jared closed his eyes and let another moan slip from his lips. When Jensen sucked him all the way down Jared couldn’t help but thrust up into the moist heat. This was too much, and the alcohol had reduced his inhibitions and control. He was going to cum too soon. Ah fuck, who cares. It had been too long since he had release with anything other than his own hand, and this felt unbelievable. Thrusting a few more times into that delicious heat, the only warning he was able to give Jensen was to reach down, put two fingers under his chin and try to pull him off. Jensen just kept sucking and began to fondle his balls. That was it. His balls were pulling up, his skin was tingling, all the muscles in his body were tightening as he dug his heels down into the floor, pulling his ass up off the floor to get his cock down into that tight moist heat. As Jensen sucked him harder he fell apart. He spilled down Jensen’s throat, his ass muscles clenched while he gave short small thrusts into Jensen’s mouth as he was sucked through the last of his orgasm. Finally spent he let his ass fall back to the cold floor, opened his eyes and panted out, “wow, that was wow”. 

 

“Yeah, that was” Jensen agreed, voice now husky and raw. He leaned up and took Jared’s lips with his, forcing his tongue into his mouth. He let his tongue explore Jared’s mouth with gathering intensity, and maneuvered so he could rut against him. His still achingly hard dick trapped in his jeans. He took Jared’s hand and brought it to cup the bulge, and applying more pressure with his hand began thrusting his still cloaked cock into Jared’s hand. 

 

Jared took the hint, and moved his hand from the throbbing bulge. He unbuckled Jensen’s belt, unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. He rolled up onto his knees, pushed Jensen down onto his back and shoved his jeans and boxer-briefs down to his ankles. He pulled off one shoe to free a leg from the clothing so he could spread Jensen’s legs further. Straddling one of those bowed legs he looked up at Jensen “It’s been a while since I’ve been with a guy” he said apologetically. But with a look of determination he licked and kissed a trail from the inside of his right thigh up to his balls, up the hard shaft, back down to his balls and letting his tongue slide to the sensitive skin beneath the balls. He sucked a kiss into the skin and worked his way down the left thigh and up again, back to his balls. 

 

Jensen spread his legs further, giving Jared more room to work his magic, and yeah, that tongue was doing magical things to him. When Jared sucked his balls into his mouth, rolling them around in that heat Jensen had to close his eye and concentrate on not coming. Then Jared let them go and slipped his tongue behind them licking at the sensitive skin there and Jensen was thrusting up into the air. He felt Jared’s hands on his ass and his thumbs spreading his crack. He looked down at Jared again to see him just staring at his exposed hole. Then that pink tongue came out and licked from the base of his balls into the crack and stroked wet heat against his hole. 

“Ohhh, Jared, please” Jensen groaned, spreading even further.

 

“I don’t have anything” Jared groaned in a whisper, and took Jensen’s cock in his mouth. Jensen was in heaven with his cock thrusting into Jared’s mouth. Then he felt a large finger circling his hole. “Oh yeah, more Jared, come on, suck me, fuck me” he demanded, and began wiggling his ass against the finger. More pressure was added and the finger tip slid inside him. “Come on” Jensen urged him on. 

 

Sucking harder on the cock in his mouth Jared started swirling his tongue around the shaft and hummed in pleasure all the while slowly sliding his long finger further inside Jensen’s body. Listening to Jensen beg for more, while his ass was clutching Jared’s finger and the cock so silky in his mouth was getting Jared hard again. Softly stroking himself, getting harder all the time Jared increased the suction on Jensen’s cock and started finger fucking him in earnest. Finding Jensen’s prostrate he stroked it furiously. Watching his finger disappearing in and out from between those firm cheeks, listening to all the soft moans coming from those red lips, still puffy from sucking his cock, Jared fisted his own dick harder, at the same rate he was plunging his finger into Jensen’s ass. 

 

Jensen wasn’t drunk like Jared was, so thought he really should have better control than he did, but he knew he wasn’t going to last long. He usually had great control, could really hold out against coming too quickly, but somehow Jared had him so turned on he wasn’t going to be able to last. Then he saw Jared fisting himself, eyes glued to the finger fucking him and with only a few more thrusts into that wonderful hot suction he was spurting into Jared’s mouth. When Jensen was done coming into his mouth Jared let the spent cock drop from his mouth. He came up to his knees and fisting himself faster, his finger still embedded firmly in Jensen’s ass, he came over his hand onto Jensen’s belly.


	4. Chapter 4

Ugh, he felt like crap. He had a headache from hell, a mouth that tasted like ass, and, uh oh. A mouth that tasted like ass. Jared started recalling the events of last night. He remembered the mind blowing sex. He recalled the gentle embrace and soft kisses they shared leaning against Jared’s car after the bar closed. With an aching head, but a smile plastered on his face he padded into the bathroom, relieved himself, washed up and sauntered down to the kitchen. Jeff was already seated at the table with a cup of coffee. “Pot’s still hot if you want some coffee” Jeff said, waving his hand in the direction of the coffee pot. 

 

Sitting at the table with his cup Jared teased Jeff “so, it looked like you and Daneel hit it off last night, you going to see her again? Going back to the pub tonight?” He tried to keep the hope out of his voice. 

 

Studying his tablemate Jeff put his cup down “I don’t know Jay, you planning on seeing Jensen again?” he asked. His concern was ratcheting up. He knew that Jared had hooked-up with Jensen last night, and even a blind man could see that Jared was floating around like a person in love. Oh no, was all Jeff could think, Jared’s gone from the frying pan into the fire. “You’re going to get some chapters finished today right?” Jeff nailed him with a hard look. “I was thinking I might see if Daneel had some free time today, leave you alone here for a bit so you could get some work done” is what he told Jared, though his plan had actually been to call Jensen.

 

“Yeah, actually I think I could pound out a few chapters, be just about caught up then” Jared responded, with a smile he didn’t realize was plastered on his face. 

 

Nodding his head in approval “Okay, well I’ve got a few calls to make, gotta call into the office, then I think I might see if Daneel is free for lunch” Jeff told him. “You want me to pick up anything for you while I’m out? I should be back in plenty of time before dinner, so think about what you want to do for that.” 

****

Jensen was surprised when he got the call from Jeff to meet for lunch, though he supposed he shouldn’t be. He knew Jeff hadn’t wanted him to hook-up with Jared. But once it was obvious that Jeff and Daneel were becoming an item Jensen thought Jeff wouldn’t care anymore. Showering Jensen let his mind wander back to last night. Closing his eyes he could see Jared half naked on the floor of the van, his cock leaking, the soft moans he made. Oh god, Jensen was getting hard picturing it. Remembering what Jared looked like with Jensen’s cock stuffed in his mouth, the feeling of Jared finger fucking him while he sucked him down had Jensen fisting himself and coming against the shower wall. He couldn’t believe it, he was still obsessing over someone he had already fucked. Last night should have been enough to get Jared out of his head. Maybe one night stands were getting old. Now, bending over to pick up his boxer-briefs, a picture of bending a naked Jared over popped into his head. Shit. Hard once more Jensen headed back into the bathroom.

 

Two hours and another jerk-off later Jensen was seated across from Jeff in the diner waiting for their burgers to arrive. “Look Jensen, I know last night didn’t mean anything to you, but Jared’s not the same as you. He’s definitely a relationship kind of guy, and he’s just not in a good place right now.” And Jeff proceeded to fill him in on the break-up with Sandy. “So please, just leave the guy alone. He doesn’t need another heart break so soon. Because you know, he will fall for you if you keep seeing him. And I know how much you don’t like getting caught trying to get rid of someone who’s stuck on you. Hell the way he was acting this morning I think he’s at least half way there already.” 

 

Frowning Jensen looked over at Jeff “I didn’t know about his break-up. You really think he would want more than just a one time hook-up with me?” He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. The thought of seeing Jared again had his dick interested, but the thought of Jared wanting him for more than just sex had his gut clenching. If he were honest with himself he wasn’t sure why. Was it because he didn’t want the entanglement? Or was it because there was something about Jared that called to him, wanted to explore what it might be like to have Jared turn that blinding smile at him all of the time. What it would be like to have Jared wake up next to him in the morning. Damn, he never had those kinds of thoughts before. Maybe he should follow Jeff’s advice and not see Jared again. Maybe he needed to go home and think. 

****

Daneel, Chris and Steve were already in the booth with a platter of hot wings and a pitcher of beer when Jensen arrived. They had even finished setting up for the show later. Walking up he could hear Daneel telling the other two “you should have seen him, I think he really likes him” in an excited voice. Jensen sat down next to Chris, looked across the table to Daneel and inquired “seen who, who likes who?” he asked dreading the answer he was sure was coming. 

 

“We were just talking about the incredible hulk you picked up last night. A little young but cute, though not your usual type” she winked at him. 

 

“Why, what’s my usual type.” He didn’t think he really had a type as long as they were good looking and fit. 

 

“Oh, someone late 20s, early 30s, no taller than you, short hair, slender, not too bright, a little on the twinkie side” Daneel smirked at him. “Though Jeff didn’t fit that type either” she shrugged. 

 

Now it was Jensen’s turn to tease “and just how is Jeff? You two were certainly getting along last night”.

 

“Oh no, you’re not getting off the hook that easily” Chris piped up. “You should have seen yourself. You practically lit up like a Christmas tree when the hulk came in. That was definitely more than an ‘oh goody I’m going to get laid’ look. So you gonna see him again? And don’t say no, cuz it’s obvious that you want to.”

 

Jensen turned to look at Chris “since when is my love life everyone else’s business? Maybe y’all should worry about yourselves” he said getting aggravated. 

 

Chris burst out with a loud “HA!” and elbowed Jensen in the arm. “Hear that, love life he said. It used to be his sex life, now it’s his love life” and winked across to Daneel and Steve. “The boy might finally have met the one.”

 

“The one?” Jensen raised his eyebrows and looked at Chris like he had two heads. 

 

“Yeah, the one. You know, the one who takes your breath away when he walks into a room. The one who makes your heart beat faster just thinking about him. The one you can’t stop thinking about during the day. The one you want to see at night. The only one you can think about wanting to fuck any more. The one you love” Daneel pinned him with her eyes. 

 

Jensen looked around at his friends, his jaw dropping, a look of astonishment on his face. Holy shit the way Daneel put it Jared was ‘the one’. He was fucking in love with Jared.


	5. Chapter 5

  
Author's notes: Unfortunately this chapter has not been beta'd. Sorry for any uncaught errors.  
\------  


* * *

Jeff was just finishing reviewing the new chapters Jared had written. He was impressed. This was some of the best work Jared had done to date. It appeared that getting his heart broken and then meeting someone new was good for his writing. He was on fire. At this rate the book would be completed early. “These chapters are very good. Looks like you might be finished in a few days you keep this up” Jeff complimented Jared. “You done writing for tonight? Wanna go out and get something to eat?” he inquired. 

 

Jared paused his typing, looked over at Jeff and smirked “why, you wanna go back and see if Kane is still playing at Jake’s so you can see Daneel again? I think they only have entertainment on the weekends. Why don’t you just call her if you want to see her? I’m going to keep working for a while longer, and probably order a pizza. So you can stay in and keep reading, or you can call Daneel” he said, resuming his typing. 

 

Hoping for a negative answer Jeff asked “So if I call Daneel, you want me to see if Jensen is free too?”

 

Pausing again Jared looked pensive before responding “I don’t think so, not tonight, maybe in another few nights when the book is done.” 

 

Jeff didn’t know if he should be happy with that response or not. It was good he wasn’t jumping at the prospect to see Jensen right away, but the fact that he was considering continuing to see Jensen was not welcome news. About to go to the phone to order the pizza Jeff was sidetracked by a knock on the door. Pulling it open he was surprised to find Tom and Mike standing there with a half case of beer and a pizza box in hand. “How’s he doing?” Tom whispered to Jeff as he carried the pizza to the kitchen.

 

Keeping his voice low “better, he’s doing better right now, but I don’t know how long that’s going to last” Jeff responded. Taking a glance out to the living room where Jared was still typing away he continued “I’m afraid he might have jumped from the frying pan into the fire though.”

 

“Why? What happened? I thought he seemed ok the other night at Jake’s” Mike asked, putting the beer on the counter top. 

 

“He hooked-up with Jensen that night”. Jeff was unable to keep the concern from bleeding through in his voice. 

 

Mike and Tom looked at each other grimacing. They had never met Jensen before, but Vicky was friends with Daneel and they had heard stories from her about the infamous Jensen Ackles and his many conquests, and the dire warnings not to get involved with him. “It was just one night, it doesn’t have to mean anything” Tom whispered hopefully. 

 

Rolling his eyes and shaking his head Jeff replied “come on, you know what he’s like. And he’s been floating around on cloud nine since then. It’s been good for his writing the last 2 days but I’m just worried what’s going to happen down the line.”

 

Walking into the kitchen Jared interrupted their gossip session “Dudes! You brought food” and with a huge smile he reached into the box pulling out two pieces at once. “So what are you doing here? Come to check up on me?”

 

Scratching his neck and looking at the floor in a bit of embarrassment “Well yeah, actually we are. So, how are you doing?” Tom asked. 

 

Jared considered the question and thought about how to answer. The easy answer, the one to get everyone to stop worrying was ‘fine’. The real answer was ‘confused’. Because really, confused was putting it mildly. He hadn’t felt this lighthearted in a month or more. Hell, he hadn’t felt anything other than depression at first, then emptiness for so long that he had a hard time now trying to decide what it was he did feel. Was it just lust, this crazy desire to see Jensen again, to feel him writhing under him, to want to suck him down again? Or was it something deeper, because if he was honest with himself he wanted Jensen for more than just sex. He loved the way the man’s eyes crinkled when he smiled, loved his voice, loved the way he looked at Jared, daydreamed of Jensen smiling at him. But come on, he only met the man twice, had sex once, how could he be in love again already. This was crazy. Realizing they were still waiting for his answer he gave a small smile, “I’m fine”, nodding his head “really, just fine.” Taking his pizza and a beer back to his computer he called over his shoulder “you guys can hang out if you want, but I’m going to keep working. I’m really on a roll right now”. 

 

The lost, faraway look as Jared struggled to come up with an answer didn’t escape the other three men. Sitting at the kitchen table with the pizza and beer they whispered amongst themselves to keep Jared from overhearing. “I think you’re right. We need to make sure he doesn’t have any more contact with Jensen. How much longer are you going to be here?” Mike asked Jeff. 

 

“My original plan had been to only come out here for a day or two, to see what was going on with him, but now I’m thinking I’ll stay at least a week. I was going to use the book as an excuse, but the way he’s going he’ll have that finished in another day or two. So, I guess my back-up plan might be Daneel. I’ll appeal to the romantic in him. And god knows that won’t be hard to reach” Jeff gave a deep sigh. 

 

“Daneel huh” Tom leered at Jeff. “I didn’t know you two were that friendly”, then added thoughtfully “you know, maybe we could use that. Vicky and her are friends. We could have Vicky throw a party, have her invite you and Jared. Have her invite Daneel, and not tell Daneel that you were coming. She can tell Daneel she could invite some friends so she would know someone there. Jensen would be sure to get up to his usual tricks, pick up someone new, and Jared would be forced to get over him before anything really gets started. Maybe we could make sure she gets that new neighbor of theirs, Gen to show up too. She’s pretty much Jared’s type where women are concerned. Maybe they would hit it off.” Tom looked at the other two to see what they thought of the plan. 

 

Jeff nodded his head thoughtfully “that’s not a bad idea. But I think we need to make sure that there’s someone there to catch Jensen’s attention besides Jared. Someone he’s sure to notice. I used to work with someone at the newspaper that I’m still kind ‘a friendly with. I’ll give him a call see if he’s available. If he is, then you guys can call Vicky and get everything rolling.” 

 

“Who is this guy? Are you sure Jensen would be interested?” Mike asked.

 

“Oh yeah, he’s just the type Jensen would go for. Tall, but not as tall as Jensen, thin but fit, dark hair, good looking. Plus he’s a year older than Jensen and a Texas boy, just like Jensen. Actually he’s much more Jensen’s usual type than Jared is. He’ll take one look at Matt and that’ll be it for his interest in Jared” Jeff was confident. 

 

“Okay, but why would Vicky and Misha be having a party out of the blue? What you’re talking about is more than just inviting some people over. You’re talking about a pretty big blow out. I think we need to come up with a reason for this party.” Tom pointed out. 

 

Scratching his beard Jeff thought about it, “Well, Jared’s just about done with the book. By the time the weekend rolls around he’ll either be all done or close enough. We’ll say it’s to celebrate his new book. How’s that sound?”

 

Nodding in agreement “I’ll talk to Misha and Vicky about it tomorrow” Mike volunteered. 

****

 

Jensen looked over at Chris and Steve before responding to Daneel, but not finding any support there he turned back to Daneel, “You know I don’t like going to parties where I don’t know anyone, why would I want to go this Misha and Vicky’s party? Who are they?” he sounded downright petulant but didn’t really care. He was not in the mood for a party. He had been brooding for a couple of days over what to do about Jared. Should he call him and ask him out? Maybe just ask if he wanted to come over to his place. But if he did that maybe Jared would think he just wanted sex and say no. After all Jeff had told him that Jared was a relationship kind of guy, and was falling for him, and Jensen didn’t want Jared to think he was just using him and scare him away. Maybe he should call Jeff and ask him to set up a date for them. Ugh, Jensen was lost. He never did relationships and now that he was considering the possibility he didn’t know how to do it. 

 

Sitting next to him on the sofa in her apartment Daneel patted him on the arm “But you will know people there. I’ll be there, so will Chris and Steve. And Jeff and Jared will be there”. She tried to go for sympathetic but ended up giggling. 

 

“Jared’s going to be there” he blurted out before he could contain himself. Oh boy, how embarrassing. Next thing you know he’ll be blushing like a school girl with her first crush. He hung his head so he wouldn’t have to meet anyone’s eye. 

 

“And you have met Misha and Vicky. You just don’t remember because you only had eyes for Jared”. Now she was flat out laughing at him. “Yeah, if you had let me finish instead of jumping all over me about not knowing anyone I would have told you the party is to celebrate Jared finishing his latest book. So you’re gonna come, right” she demanded. 

 

Butterflies were beginning to flit around in his gut at the prospect of seeing Jared again. But he had to maintain some dignity, so he turned to Chris and Steve, glaring at them he threatened “you just better not do anything to embarrass me if you value your lives.”

 

They both laughed at him. “Ah but Jenny, this is just too much. The mighty Jensen Ackles defeated by a boy. A boy who didn’t even know he was in the game. Really Jen, this is just too funny. You know if it was any of us you’d be having a field day with this. Even Daneel is handling her new crush better than you’re handling yours” Chris taunted him. 

 

Jensen sat and glared at his three friends. He refused to reply to their goading and give them any more ammunition. Instead, he would sit here and try to form a plan of attack on how to bag his man. After all he was in fact the mighty Jensen Ackles flirt extraordinaire. If there was one thing he was sure of, it was his ability in the art of seduction. He always got his man. The only difference this time; he would keep the man. 

 

****

 

Jared was feeling a little aggravated with his friends. He didn’t really want to go to a party, he wanted to go back to Jake’s and see if Jensen would be there with the band again. He didn’t have any other way of contacting Jensen, as he didn’t have his address or number. He knew he could ask Jeff for it, but was pretty sure that Jeff would not only refuse to tell him, but would then launch into a lecture about the evils of getting involved with the man. But really, Jared was an adult and entitled to make his own decisions, even if his friends thought they were just looking out for him. 

 

“What’s the big deal about going to Misha’s? Going over there for a barbeque all Saturday afternoon, knowing the way Mike, Tom and Misha party it’ll turn into Saturday night, seems a little boring when we could go out to a club instead.” He tried not to sound whiney but it still came out that way. 

 

“Jared, it’s a party. For you. It’s to celebrate you finishing the book. They’ve gone to a lot of trouble and expense to set this up. It won’t be just us and Tom and Mike. Vicky’s inviting other people too. Like that cute little girl you met the other night, what was her name, Gen, something like that? And she said she might be able to get Daneel to come” Jeff was getting exasperated, because really, it shouldn’t be this hard to get someone to agree to go to a party that was in their honor. 

 

Jared perked up at the thought of Daneel being at the party, because maybe she would bring Jensen with her. And even if she didn’t, maybe he could pump her for details about him. Maybe even get his address or telephone number from her, or tell her to have Jensen call him. 

 

He really needed to see Jensen again. He needed to see him in person to figure out if this obsession he had with the man was because he felt a connection with him, was just lust, or was because, like a child being told they can’t have something, just made him want it more. All he knew for sure was that he wanted, needed to see Jensen again. He thought about him during the day, dreamed about him during the night, jacked off to images of him in his head in the shower. The question was why he was so obsessed. He was pretty sure that he wasn’t this obsessed about Sandy at the beginning of their relationship. Oh boy. Thinking about Sandy and that devastation, he thought about the prospect of falling for Jensen and getting hurt like that again. Maybe Jeff and his friends were right. Maybe he should stay away from any entanglements, protect himself, because he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to withstand going through that again so soon. But, they had never been in love so didn’t know what they were talking about, right? If you don’t risk your heart you’ll never find the love you were meant to have. Jared finally decided he needed to be himself, throw caution to the wind and find out if there was a future with Jensen. He would go to the party, get Jeff drunk enough to get Jensen’s phone number out of him. 

 

Brightening now that he had a plan “Okay, I’m sorry, I guess I’m just cranky. I feel like I’ve been writing non-stop for the last 4 days and now I’m feeling a little wrung out and overtired. Maybe I’ll go take a nap” yawning Jared smiled at Jeff and headed down the hall to his bedroom.

 

Patting the younger man on the shoulder as he turned to head down the hall Jeff told him “that’s probably a good idea. You’ve been pushing yourself pretty hard these last few days. I’ll call Vicky and let her know we’ll be there around 3.”

 

Jared kicked off his sneakers and pulled off his jeans to get comfortable under the covers. He really was tired. Closing his eyes he was once again haunted by a green eyed man with freckles and a beautiful smile. Snaking his hand under the waist band of his boxer-briefs he stroked his hardening dick. Spreading his legs and fisting himself tighter he groaned out Jensen’s name as he let himself remember the night in the van.


	6. Chapter 6

The music was pounding, the alcohol was flowing freely, snacks were everywhere and the burgers, dogs, chicken and shrimp were just getting ready to be put on the grill. Jared and Jeff had arrived half an hour ago. They had stopped to pick up a friend of Jeff’s on the way to the party, so had arrived later than planned. The friend, Matt Bomer was someone Jeff had worked with at the paper before Jared had started there. Jared thought he seemed nice enough at first, but very soon after meeting him, decided he really didn’t like him. He was friendly, but there was something fake about it he felt. Like the guy was putting up a front, not showing you the real him. Someone you might need to watch your back around. 

 

Soon after they arrived Vicky had brought Genevieve over to where Jared was sitting by the pool, talking with Jeff and Misha. “Hey guys, you remember Gen don’t you” Vicky smiled at them. Then she turned to Misha, tugging on his sleeve “you and Jeff don’t mind helping me move some of the cases of beer in the kitchen do you. They’re a little heavy for me.” As the men got up to follow her back into the condo she turned back to Jared “You don’t mind entertaining Gen for a while do you. She really doesn’t know anyone here yet.” Plastering a smile on his face “Sure, no problem” Jared said and turned to his new companion. She might not be the person he wanted to be talking to, but he was a naturally friendly guy and would do what he could to put a new comer at ease.

 

Jared was pretty sure that he had been set up, like literally, that Vicky was trying to set him up with Gen. She probably thought that because Genevieve was the same basic physical type that Sandy was that he would be interested. Almost never at a loss for words Jared was about to ask Gen some basic ‘getting to know you’ questions when the she burst into giggles. “Sorry about that. I think Vicky’s trying to set us up. But don’t worry about it, I’ve got my eye on someone else” she smiled and winked at him. Whew, that was a relief. Now that that was out of the way Jared let himself relax. After half an hour of conversation Jared decided that he liked her. As a friend. She was charming, full of energy and liked to laugh. Jared was in the middle of telling her how he came to be a romance writer when he saw her eyes grow wide and stare into the distance. He turned to follow her gaze. There in the doorway was Daneel, Jensen and another guy. He watched as Gen waved at the little group.

 

“You know them?” Jared asked her in surprise.

 

“Daneel is a friend, and she introduced me to Chris” she told him, her eyes glued to the guy Jared didn’t know. He was short, maybe 5’10” with long brown hair. He watched as Gen and Chris smiled at each other. 

 

Jared’s eye then caught Jensen. He looked breathtaking in form fitting jeans and black long sleeved tee shirt. “Maybe we should go over and say hi?” he suggested, unable to take his eyes off Jensen. He felt his heartbeat pick up as Jensen caught sight of him and nodded in acknowledgement. 

 

They had just made their way over to the little group, and Daneel was introducing Jared to Chris, when they were joined by Jeff and Matt. Jeff bent over and gave Daneel a kiss on her cheek “Danni, it’s good to see you! I didn’t know you were coming”. Pulling Matt in front of him “I have someone I want you to meet. This is Matt Bomer, a friend from when I was working at The Advocate. Matt, this is Jensen, and uh, his friends Daneel and Chris.” Then he tugged Daneel away from the group “How about we go get a drink” he suggested. 

 

Gen took the opportunity to turn to Chris “maybe we could get something to drink too” she looked up at him with a hopeful smile. Chris hadn’t taken his eyes off of her since they had walked up to the group and smiled back at her “Yeah, let’s see what we can find” leaving Jared alone with Jensen and Matt. 

 

Really wanting to ditch Matt, but too nice a guy to just tell him to get lost Jared tore his eyes off Jensen to take in both of his companions. “How about we find a place to sit outside, there’s a keg out there if all you want is a beer.” 

 

Sitting at the end of the picnic table, so he could stretch out at least one of his long legs, Jared set his beer on the table and smiled as Jensen set his down across from him. Then Matt came up and sat down practically in Jensen’s lap and Jared lost his smile. 

 

“Dude, a little room” Jensen furrowed his brow at Matt, but Matt laughed it off “yeah, sorry, just getting situated here” and moved over a few inches, but not nearly enough in Jared’s opinion. He watched as Matt placed his elbow on the table, rested the side of his head in his hand so his body was turned towards Jensen in an intimate half circle “so how do you know Jeff” he asked him, effectively excluding Jared from their exchange. 

 

Jared was getting more than irritated. He was pretty sure that Matt knew exactly how Jensen and Jeff knew each other. It was also becoming obvious that Matt was very interested in Jensen. He was about to propose Matt go get them all something to eat, in an effort to get rid of him, when Daneel and Jeff joined them. Jeff walked up to the edge where Jared was sitting “push over, let the lady have a seat” he smiled down at him. Jared couldn’t be so impolite as to deny Daneel a seat so he slid down the bench, then Jeff sat down next to Daneel, effectively putting Jared at the opposite end of the table from Jensen. Watching Matt and Jensen talking and laughing, being cut out of the action was more than Jared felt he could deal with at the moment. Unable to stop the anger at Jeff and Matt from washing over him he felt the need to get away. 

 

“I’m hungry, I’m going to go see if the food is ready yet” Jared said, looking only at Jensen as he got up from the table and walked away. If Jensen was still interested in him then he would find a reason to follow. 

 

Walking over to the grill he found Misha, Vicky, Gen and Chris in conversation, all teasing Misha about his barbequing skills, or lack thereof. “Well if you think you can do better then be my guest” Misha thrust the tongs over at Chris. 

 

Chris laughed good-naturedly, taking the utensil from his host, “Misha, everyone knows that Texas boys grill better than anyone here in LA. Now why don’t you and Vicky go check on your guests and I’ll do the honors here.” Chris looked up and saw Jared standing there “the food will be ready in another 15 or so” noting the dark look on his face, he added “thought you and Jensen were getting a beer”. Taking a look over at the table where Jensen was still being crowded by an overly friendly Matt, Chris turned to Gen “hey Gen, could you tell Jensen I need a word with him”. 

 

Two minutes later Jensen was at Jared’s side, bumping shoulders “so how’ve you been? Wanted to call you, but didn’t have your number. I was going to get if from Jeff, but then got invited to the party, and well, seeing as how it was for you, knew you’d be here” Jensen smiled up at him. 

 

Jared’s mood instantly lightened, smiling back he was about to tell Jensen how glad he was that he came, but out of the corner of his eye he caught Matt making his way over to them. So instead he nodded towards the inside of the condo “How about we go inside for a bit, find something to drink and catch up” he suggested as he pulled Jensen along with him, and away from the approaching Matt.

 

Chris caught Jared’s look at Matt and as the man drew up to them he intercepted him. “Hey, you’re Matt right? Could you do me a favor, go find Vicky and Misha for me and then tell Jeff and Daneel that the food is ready. Okay?” Matt stood there for a moment looking after Jared and Jensen disappearing into the house. 

 

“Sure”, he frowned and turned to do as asked. With a smirk and wink at Jensen and Jared, Chris turned back to the grill. 

 

****

 

There were enough people at the party that there really wasn’t any place for the privacy that Jensen was craving, so he could get his hands on Jared. The guy looked so tempting. Jeans fit him perfectly, accentuating the narrow hips and perfect ass. The midnight blue cotton button down he wore brought out the blue flecks in those ever changing eyes, making them almost appear storm cloud blue/grey. He had been able to steal a kiss or a grope here and there when they found themselves alone for a minute or two either in the kitchen or living room, but it was all too fleeting. Finally unable to tamp down his desire any more, “I want you, need to have you, now” Jensen whispered, and dragging Jared to the bathroom he locked them in. 

 

He leaned against the wall next to the door and pulled Jared up against his chest. His lust was almost too much to control “I want you Jay, I want you right now. I can’t believe the way you make me feel” he murmured all the while working at loosening Jared’s belt, pulling the zipper down and unbuttoning his jeans. He leaned up and sealed his lips over Jared’s, sucking on the pink wide mouth, forcing his tongue in to tangle with the other man’s. He unbuttoned Jared’s shirt and pulled the material apart to reveal a finely chiseled chest and abdomen. Jensen shoved his hands down into Jared’s underwear grasping his ass, pulling his groin in closer to him. He groaned in pleasure as he let his thumbs stroke those smooth cheeks while holding on to what he thought was the perfect ass. Their kisses were getting more heated, and he alternated sucking on Jared’s tongue and forcing his own into Jared’s mouth, fucking that beautiful mouth with his tongue. His dick was impossibly hard and he began rutting up against Jared’s hip. Moving one hand off that perfect ass he snaked it over Jared’s hip and on down to take possession of his cock. Running his thumb over the head he could feel it beginning to leak pre-cum. Using both hands he shoved Jared’s jeans and boxer-briefs down as far as he could without taking his mouth from the other man’s. He kicked his right foot between Jared’s feet spreading his legs wider. He was about to work his own jeans open when he felt Jared’s hands pulling down his zipper, opening the fly and shoving the clothing down. 

 

Finally tearing his mouth off the taller man’s he looked up at him “you’re so beautiful, perfect. Look at you” Jensen panted out as he took in the flush now covering Jared from his chest up to his cheekbones, his kiss swollen lips and half lidded lust blown eyes. He let his gaze travel down to take in the beautifully cut abs, narrow waist and hips, finally resting on how his thumb was spreading the leaking pre-cum around the head of Jared’s cock. He latched his mouth onto one of those hardening nipples, licking and sucking it til Jared began to moan. Those soft sounds were traveling directly to his groin, making him ache with desire. The throbbing between his legs was becoming unbearable. He was about to take himself in hand when he felt Jared’s hand encompass his rock hard cock. Then a large palm was stroking his ass. The hand on his ass settled over his crack and a long finger slid along inside the crevice. His skin was on fire with need and he started humping into Jared’s hand while fisting Jared faster, tighter. 

 

The finger traveling along his crack inched lower until it was circling that sensitive skin around his hole, making it flutter with anticipation. He starting thrusting harder, panting into Jared’s chest as he pulled on Jared’s dick, he squeezed Jared’s ass with his other hand, “come on Jay, do it, make me come” he was whining with need. 

 

“Come for me Jen, let me see you come all over me” he heard Jared whispering in his ear and then sucked on the lobe. Oh god he was so close. His balls were tightening up, pulling up into his body, his skin was tingling, his knees were locking up. He could feel the release bubbling up. “Do it now” Jared growled at him and with one more tug on his cock he was doing exactly what Jared told him to, coming all over them both. 

 

He was gasping for air, his legs were rubbery. He leaned his head against Jared’s chest and only then noticed he was still holding onto his partner’s still engorged cock. Coming back to his senses he started fisting Jared once again “come on Jared”, looking up in the taller man’s eyes, “let go, I’ve got you, come on” and he leaned his cheek back against Jared’s chest as Jared spilled over his fist. 

 

****

 

They had been playing cat and mouse with Matt now for the last two hours. It seemed like every time they found a quiet spot to be able to talk, the man would suddenly pop up between them like some jack-in-the-box. Normally Jensen would be more than happy to accommodate someone who was so obviously into him, but now that he had come to realize that Jared was all he wanted, everyone else was just an inconvenience. 

 

They were momentarily alone again in the kitchen, standing near the fridge. Jensen had crowded Jared up against the wall, was leaning against the larger man, he was hard again. He was straddling Jared’s right leg, letting his hard-on rub up against Jared’s hip, feeling Jared’s bulge rub against his own hip, ratcheting up his desire. He could see a mole on the side of Jared’s throat, near the bottom, not too far from his clavicle. He wanted so much to kiss a line down from his jaw to that mole, then maybe suck at it a bit before kissing it again. He had his hands on Jared’s low back, slowly working their way down towards his ass. He leaned in to start carrying out his plan for that mole when the jack-in-the box popped up once again.

 

“Hey, sorry to interrupt, but Jeff asked me to come find you Jared. He said they have some kind of presentation for you as ‘the man of the hour’ or some such thing.” Matt was smiling at them, with what Jared was sure was fake warmth. “Anyway, he said he needs you to come outside” Matt rambled on, giving Jared another insincere smile. 

 

Jared was so frustrated he was ready to throttle the guy. “I’ll be right back, this shouldn’t take long” he looked down at Jensen with desire shining in his eyes. “Then maybe we can get out of here yeah?” 

 

Jensen was almost physically unable to take his hands off Jared and let him go. He couldn’t take his eyes off how Jared’s face, how it had flushed a light pink high on his cheek bones under the golden skin, his tongue kept darting out to lick along those wide pink lips, and his eyes were peeking out from under those silky bangs. Jensen had to take a big breath and hold it in while he tried to control himself and step away. “Hurry back” he whispered into Jared’s ear and let him go. 

 

“He seems like a nice boy” Matt said as soon as soon as Jared was out of earshot, with the word boy sounding like he meant to say child. 

 

Jensen looked over at Matt. He could see that he was intoxicated. His words were starting to slur, he gait was unsteady and his eyes bloodshot. “Matt you look like you need to sit down before you fall down. Maybe you’ve had enough to drink.”

 

“Nah, I’m doing just fine. And as matter of fact you’re looking pretty fine yourself” Matt leered at him, stepping into Jensen’s personal space. 

 

Jensen backed up away from Matt, banging into the wall “Look Matt, I’m not interested so maybe you should go cool off or find someone else.” He was getting pissed off now, but didn’t want to cause a scene in someone else’s home. 

 

“Oh come on Jen, don’t be that way. I can satisfy you better than the boy can. I have more experience than some kid who’d been with the same girl for the last 2 years. He’s just looking for a rebound guy. I’m like you Jenny, I’ve been around more in the last 2 years than that boy will be in a lifetime, so have you. He’ll bore you in no time.” Matt advanced on him again and swaying forward he grabbed onto Jensen’s hips, pinning him against the wall. 

 

Jensen put his hands on Matt’s shoulders to push him away, but before he could finish the maneuver Matt grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands down, placing them on his hips. With his hands holding Jensen’s on his hips, he leaned forward and with a sloppy kiss claimed Jensen’s mouth. Taken by surprise, Jensen opened his mouth to protest and Matt slipped his tongue in deepening the kiss, at the same time he released Jensen’s hands and put his own on Jensen’s hips, pulling their groins together. Jensen heard Matt moan into the kiss and felt him thrusting his crotch against his own. 

 

Jensen finally pushed Matt away, and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand he threatened “you stay away from me if you know what’s good for you. You put your hands on me again and I’ll break them.” He stood there, chest heaving lungfuls of air as he tried to calm down. 

 

**** 

 

Outside Jared found Jeff, Daneel, Gen and Chris gathered at a table laughing at something when he walked up to them. “Jeff, Matt said you needed me for something?” 

 

Jeff looked up at him with a puzzled frown “No, I didn’t send him looking for you. But now that you’re here, Danni and I were thinking of taking off soon, you don’t mind do you?”

 

“Yeah, no problem, see you later” Jared called over his shoulder as he practically sprinted back into the house. Great! Now all he had to do was collect Jensen and get out of there too. He was at the entrance to the kitchen when he saw Jensen and Matt kissing. Only they weren’t just kissing. They had their hands on each others hips and were grinding against each other. Oh god, it was Sandy and Chad all over again. Jared couldn’t believe it, not again. He slowly backed away from the scene feeling like he was going to hurl. Blindly he stumbled out into the hallway almost knocking Genevieve onto the floor as she was coming out of the bathroom. 

 

“Jared, are you okay? You don’t look very good, are you sick?” She asked concerned, she looked up at him and took his arm, stopping him from going any further. 

 

Jared looked down at her in a daze. He thought she sounded concerned about something. She looked concerned. After a few seconds her words made it through the fog. Sick, she wants to know if I’m sick. “No, I’m not really okay. I have to get out of here, get home. I feel like I’m going to be sick to my stomach” he moaned and lurched toward the front door again. 

 

“You shouldn’t drive if you’ve had too much to drink, maybe you should just lay down on the sofa for a bit, and have some food, maybe some coffee” she tightened her hold on his arm and guided him to the sofa as she was speaking. She pulled him down to sit next to her. 

 

“No, I’m not drunk, I haven’t had much to drink. It must be something I ate. I really can’t stay here any longer I have to go home.” He felt like he was in shock. He was lightheaded, starting a cold sweat and could feel his hands starting to shake. Oh god, he had to get out before he burst into tears. How could this be happening a second time? Jeff had told him to stay away from Jensen, had told him this would happen. How could he be so naïve? Was he really so unlovable that his feelings didn’t matter to anyone else; that they found it so easy to just toss him aside? 

 

Genevieve put her hand on Jared’s arm to steady him, and noted he didn’t appear to be drunk. But he certainly did have something wrong with him. She could feel small tremors under her hand as she stroked his arm in comfort. His complexion had lost its color and he was just staring into space unfocused, and looked like he was having a hard time keeping his stomach settled, as he made big gulps with his throat. His hands clenched the seat cushions so hard his knuckles had turned white. “You’re in no condition to drive, come on, I’ll take you home” she spoke softly to him and pulled him to his feet. She had her arm around his waist and was guiding him out the door when she heard Jensen call to them. Jared turned and looked at him, then continued on out the door without a word, closing it behind them. She took Jared’s keys from him, got them in his car and left. 

 

By the time she got to Jared’s home he no longer looked so pale, but he was still quiet and shaky. “I’m going to call Chris to come pick me up here so I don’t have to drive your car back to Vicky’s house okay” she told Jared as she lead him into his house. “Why don’t you go lie down and when Chris gets here I’ll let myself out”. Jared just nodded and headed on down to his bedroom.

 

He stumbled over to his bed and collapsed on it not even bothering to take off his sneakers. The scene in the kitchen kept running through his head. How could he have been so stupid to fall for Jensen? He had been warned over and over again. But no, he wouldn’t listen, had convinced himself that their connection was real, even if it had been so fast. Well, he would learn his lesson this time. He wasn’t going break again. He would wrap his heart up in this hurt and stuff it down so deep that no one could ever reach his heart again. He wasn’t going to cry over this, he wasn’t going to feel, period. It was safer that way. He would go back to being numb, just a walking shell, and lock away the real Jared Padalecki somewhere safe. He would give the world the Jared they wanted, because obviously the real Jared wasn’t good enough for them. Though what they wanted Jared to be he wasn’t sure, so until he could figure it out he would just exist. 

 

****

 

Jensen had pushed Matt off of him and stormed out of the kitchen in search of Jared. He walked into the living room only to see Jared heading out the door with that Genevieve girl hanging on him. What the hell was going on! “Jared!” he called out to him and was shocked when Jared turned and looked at him, then without a word shut the door and left. 

 

Jensen stood looking at the closed door for a minute trying to fathom what just happened. Why the hell would Jared be leaving with that girl? He thought they were becoming a couple, how had he misread everything so completely? Granted he never really had a real, committed relationship before, but he felt like this was what one felt like. He didn’t want anyone else, and thought Jared had felt the same. But obviously he had been wrong. Well, experimenting with relationships was now over. He wasn’t going to make that mistake again. But really, what the hell? How could Jared have changed his mind so fast? Jeff had told him that he wasn’t a run-around kind of guy. Trying to make sense of what he saw versus what he was told by Jeff, and how he felt, Jensen sat on the sofa staring at the closed door.

 

“What’s up Jensen, you look like someone just stole your candy” Daneel asked as she and Jeff sat next to him. 

 

“Jared just left Genevieve” Jensen told them, still sounding confused about the situation. 

 

Jeff shrugged his shoulders, “Well I guess I’m not totally surprised by that. If he was going to hook-up with a girl she certainly is his type. Sandy was just about the same size, same long dark hair, big eyes, nice smile, and bubbly personality.” 

 

Daneel looked at him with sympathy “You want us to take you home? Jeff and I were just leaving.” 

 

“Where’s Chris? I’ll just have him give me a ride” He didn’t really feel like being a third wheel with Jeff and Danni. 

 

“Chris already left a few minutes ago.”

 

“Oh. Well, yeah, okay then, I guess I’ll hitch a ride with you guys”

 

“Okay, just hang here a minute, I have to go get Matt. We need to give him a ride home too.” Jeff left him sitting with Daneel as he went in search of Jensen’s stalker. 

 

Jensen looked over at Daneel “Everything seemed to be going so well. What the hell happened? Why would he do that?” Jensen sounded so confused. “I was sure he was the one. I thought he felt the same” now just sounding hurt he tried to hide the tears forming. 

 

The ride home was a blur of Matt’s hands and mouth all over him. Having been rejected by Jared he felt there was no reason not to let himself find comfort in someone else’s arms. Someone who clearly wanted him.


	7. Chapter 7

Jensen grabbed Matt’s hips tighter, rammed his cock into that small tight ass a few more times and groaned as his cock pulsed out his orgasm into the condom. Finally spent he pulled out of the ass in front of him, he trashed the condom and collapsed down on the bed. “Bathroom’s down the hall if you want to clean up before you leave” he told his bed partner before turning over and pulling the covers up. It wasn’t enough to get Jared out of his system. He just felt tired instead of sated. And every time he closed his eyes Jared’s face haunted him. Why did he look so miserable walking out the door this afternoon? There had to be something else going on. It just didn’t make sense. He must be missing something. He couldn’t stand it anymore, picking up his cell he dialed Jared’s number. After 6 rings it went to voicemail. Not caring that it was almost midnight, he wanted answers, he called again. It rolled over to voicemail again. “Dammit! Pick up the damn phone Jared” he talked to the dial tone as he called again. When it rolled over to voicemail again he left a message asking Jared to call first thing in the morning. 

 

The pounding on his door woke Jensen to the fact it was now daytime. His bed was no longer occupied by anyone else and he had a hangover. After getting back home he and Matt had downed a bottle of tequila and more beers. While Jensen tried to wash Jared away in a sea of alcohol Matt did his best to get into Jensen’s pants, finally succeeding once Jensen was too drunk to even know who he was fucking. Hoping whoever was pounding at his door would go away Jensen ignored the sound and rolled out of bed in search of aspirin. 

 

The pounding did stop but the person behind the racket didn’t. He was standing in his kitchen washing down the aspirin with some OJ when he heard his front door open. Rolling his eyes in exasperation he called out “I’m in the kitchen Chris” as he was the only other person with a key to Jensen’s apartment. “You break into my place like this you damn well better be bringing me some coffee”. He turned and pulled the coffee maker closer and started a pot brewing because one cup wasn’t going to be enough to face this day. 

 

“Course I did” Chris walked over to the counter and placed a large cup from Starbuck’s in front of him. Sitting at the table Chris eyed Jensen up and down “Well you look like shit. What happened yesterday?”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it” Jensen picked up the coffee and walked out to his bedroom. He knew Chris wasn’t going to let it drop and he didn’t want to have this conversation in his underwear. Pulling on a pair of sweats and a tee shirt he padded out to his living room. Sitting on the sofa he turned on the TV in an effort to ignore Chris’s efforts at conversation. But the bastard took the remote, turned off the TV and settled in the arm chair across from him. 

 

“Yeah, well too bad, cuz we’re going to talk about it” Chris glared at him. “I want to know why I got a call from Danni this morning telling me to come out and check on you. She said you and Jared got into some kind of thing and you were all broken up. She said you hooked-up with that Matt douche. That true? What the hell would you do that for? What’s wrong with you Jensen?”

 

Jensen sat there just shaking his head. He knew Chris wouldn’t let it go so he may as well get it over with. “I don’t know what the fuck happened. One minute Jared and I are doing great, getting ready to leave together, the next thing I know he’s leaving with that little slut.” Jensen closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on keeping the hurt from showing. 

 

“I better not ever hear you call Gen a slut again. She’s a great girl. I’ll let it pass this time cuz I know you’re upset, but don’t do it again” the anger in Chris’s voice took Jensen by surprise. 

 

“Chris, she went home with Jared and you’re defending her!” Jensen couldn’t believe it. He knew Chris had found the girl attractive, but thought his friend would draw the line at wanting someone who would lead him on only to take off with someone else. After all that put Chris pretty much in the same boat as Jensen. He should understand what he felt if anyone should. On the other hand, Jensen had thought he was in love, he didn’t know how Chris felt about Gen. 

 

“She didn’t ‘go home’ with Jared. She drove him home cuz he was sick. Then I went and picked her up. She spent the night with me, not with Jared. I had to leave her to come check on your ass, and I’m not exactly thrilled about that, so you need to watch what you say about her” Chris was still glaring at him. Softening his tone he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees he caught Jensen’s eye “So, you thought Gen and Jared hooked-up last night and that’s what got you so worked up. Well, that didn’t happen so maybe you should check up on your boy and see how he’s doing. I know you’ve never been in a relationship before but Jesus, you can’t fly off the handle like that without knowing the facts. If you really want to make this work you have to put in some effort, more effort than just getting in someone’s pants. You have to show you’re willing to work at it. So pick up the phone and call him.”

 

“I did call him. I called last night, he didn’t pick up. And he hasn’t returned my call.” Jensen’s misery was clear in his voice, but he was starting to let hope creep back in after learning that Gen and Jared hadn’t hooked up. “If he was sick that might explain it. Maybe I should call again” he looked up at Chris, hoping for encouragement from his friend. 

 

“Yeah you should. You want me to stick around, or is my work here done” Chris smirked over at him. 

 

Jensen smiled at his friend “take off, go see your girl. I have a call to make.” 

****

 

Jared picked up his ringing cell. Checking the caller ID he saw it was Jensen. Again. He considered answering the call, but really didn’t feel like he could handle it right now. Maybe later, but now was too soon. He still felt raw and used inside. He was still building that defensive wall around his heart and couldn’t risk a crack in it right now. Taking in a few deep breaths to steady himself before heading out to the kitchen to face Jeff, he muttered his new mantra to himself “don’t feel, don’t feel, don’t feel” and padded out of his bedroom. 

 

“Have a good time yesterday? Jensen said you took off with Genevieve. She seems like a nice girl” Jeff asked, hoping that the girl was why Jared had left so suddenly. But the way Jensen had acted when he told them Jared left with her lead Jeff to think there was something more going on.

 

Jared shrugged his shoulders answering “Yeah, Gen’s a nice girl. She drove me home when I started feeling sick. I must’ve eaten something that didn’t agree with me, cuz I really didn’t have that much to drink”. His tone was flat, no emotion to betray how he really felt, he was impressed with himself he was able to manage that. 

 

“Sick huh. That’s too bad. So you had Gen drive you home, not Jensen. Thought you and Jensen were getting along pretty well, and that Gen was interested in Chris.” Jeff observed Jared closer. He didn’t seem sick or upset, but there was definitely something off with him. 

 

“Yeah, well Jensen was otherwise occupied with your friend Matt and Gen offered to drive me, so…” Jared made himself a mug of coffee and headed out to the living room. He sat at his desk and opened his laptop. 

 

Jeff leaned against the doorway watching him “what are you doing? I thought you finished the book. You know, when the last words you write in the last chapter you give me are ‘The End’ that usually means your done” he tried for the joke. 

 

Jared didn’t bother to look up, just began typing “Starting on my next book” again with the flat tone. 

 

Jeff stood there a while longer staring at his friend. There was definitely something off about him, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He didn’t sound depressed, so maybe the little infatuation he had with Jensen was just that, an infatuation. And now that he had witnessed first hand what a dog Jensen could be, it was nipped in the bud before he got too involved and hurt. Or maybe he was just still feeling under the weather from whatever made him sick yesterday. Thinking back on the party Jeff recalled seeing Gen and Chris together most of the day, recalled seeing Matt frequently with Jensen and Jared when he wasn’t with Danni and himself. He also remembered there being large chunks of time where he didn’t see Jensen and Jared at all, but Matt was around. Shit. He did not have a good feeling about this at all. Jared wasn’t acting or sounding depressed, but he didn’t sound like himself either. And he never started another book so soon after finishing one. The earliest he had started a new one was at least 6 months after the latest one was published. Yup, something was definitely up. 

 

Jared’s cell rang. Jeff watched as he picked it up, looked at the called Id and hit ignore. “Not going to answer that?” he asked, his concern starting to heighten. 

 

“No one important and I’m busy” Jared turned off the phone so he wouldn’t be bothered by it again. 

 

Guessing Jeff asked “Jensen?”

 

“Like I said no one important” Jared replied without looking up from his keyboard. 

 

Jeff stood there contemplating the situation. Finally he decided he would go to the source of what he considered was the problem. He would go pay a visit to Jensen and get to the bottom of what happened yesterday. 

****

 

Jeff had been gone for half an hour and Jared had outlined half a story, but now couldn’t get his mind to focus on anything other than Jensen. Why was he calling so persistently if he had just been using him? Now that he had gotten in his pants twice, and then moved onto someone else, why call him? Had Jared misread somehow what he saw in the kitchen? When he caught Sandy he had at least let her explain, but he hadn’t given Jensen the same opportunity. Maybe he should call him back. Maybe there was some other explanation, after all Matt had been aggressively pursuing Jensen the whole day. That little kernel of hope was torturing Jared. How could he effectively lock up his heart if the damn thing kept insisting on looking for a silver lining in the dark clouds? 

 

Picking up his cell he was about to turn it back on and call Jensen when the doorbell rang. Jeff had a key, Tom, Mike and Misha would just barge in. Maybe Gen had come to check on him. Maybe Jensen came because he hadn’t called back. Hope leaping in his chest he was shocked when he found Matt when he opened the door. 

 

“Hey, Jared, is Jeff here” the pain in the ass asked with a shit eating grin plastered on his face. 

 

“No, he’s not” Jared frowned at his unwelcome guest.

 

Unfazed Matt continued smiling “Well could you let him know I came by to thank him. That Jensen is something boy, haven’t had a night that good in while”. Then the ass had the gall to wink at him. 

 

Jared stood there dumbfounded for a moment, then finally just closed the door in Matt’s face. Jared stumbled back into the living room lied on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. Okay, guess that answered all lingering doubts. His eyes hadn’t betrayed him, he did see Jensen and Matt hooking up the minute he turned his back. Jensen was just using him. Maybe now his stupid heart would give up this crazy idea that someone could find him loveable. Sex was nice but he had wanted love. Well, enough of that. Getting kicked in the teeth twice was enough for him. Love was for other people, not for him. Resolve set and heart finally in lockdown Jared returned to his keyboard. 

****

 

Jensen listened to Jared’s voicemail pick up again. This time it went directly there, no ringing first, which meant he had the phone turned off. Maybe he was so sick he didn’t want to be bothered by the phone. Maybe Jensen should just go over there and check on him. Ugh, really he was not a love sick girl. Jeff was there and if Jared was that sick he had Jeff to look after him. Oh, yeah, Jeff was there. Jeff who didn’t want him hooking-up with Jared. What if Jeff had told Jared he had taken Matt home last night? But Jared had left before that happened so that couldn’t explain Jared’s sudden departure with Gen. If he had gotten sick why didn’t he have Jensen take him home? Maybe he should call Jeff and find out what was up with Jared. Probably not a good idea considering Jeff didn’t want him and Jared together, and knew that he had hooked up with Matt. Maybe he would call Daneel. She could probably find out from Jeff what was going on with Jared. Better yet, he would go over to her apartment. Grabbing his keys he headed out the door. 

 

“So do you think Jeff told him about me and Matt?” Jensen bit at his bottom lip, worrying about the answer. His eyes were trained on Daneel, trying to gauge her reaction. She was sitting at the other end of the sofa from him. Her knees tucked under her and coffee mug in her hands. She had been doing her best to reassure him that there wasn’t necessarily some awful reason Jared hadn’t called back.

 

Taking a moment to think about it, finally she shook her head, looked at Jensen sympathetically and answered “No, I don’t think Jeff would do that. I mean really, why would he? Yeah he’s Jared’s friend, but he’s your friend too right. I know he warned Jared off you, but as Jeff said to me, he’s a big boy and has to live his own life. Jeff feels he did his part when he told Jared not to get involved with you. So no, I don’t think he would interfere any further. Plus, you said Jared went home sick. Jeff wouldn’t want to make him feel worse if he was already feeling bad.”

 

Feeling only marginally better “then why won’t he return my calls?” Oh good god he was practically whining. But he really needed answers “maybe you could call Jeff and find out what’s going on with Jared” and raised his eyebrows with hope filling his voice. Okay maybe he was a high school girl passing notes in class. 

 

Daneel looked like she was going to laugh at him for a moment, then nodded her head “sure, no problem, I can do that for you” and pulled out her cell. 

 

Jensen listened to Daneel ask Jeff if Jared knew about Matt and watched her face as she listened to the reply. He didn’t really like her tone when she said “I see” a few times, or the expression she wore as she listened to whatever Jeff was telling her. When she hung up and looked up at him he wasn’t hopeful for good news. 

 

Sighing she told him “Well Jeff says that he didn’t tell Jared anything about you and Matt, but that somehow Jared already thought you guys were together. When Jeff asked him why he had Gen drive him home instead of you, Jared told him that you were too busy with Matt. Is that true Jen, did you and Matt get together at the party?”

 

Fuck! Jared must have seen Matt mauling him and thought Jensen was interested. That would explain why he left without a word when Jensen called to him, and why he wouldn’t call him back. Shit, now what was he going to do. He could explain to Jared what happened at the party, but how could he explain what happened after? On the other hand, it seemed that Jared didn’t know what happened after. Maybe he could still salvage this. If only he could get Jared to talk to him again. 

 

“Come on Danni, you’ve dated, you’ve had relationships. What do I do? How do I fix this” he begged her after explaining what happened to her. 

 

“I don’t know if it can be fixed Jen. But the only thing you really can do is explain everything to Jared. Obviously he would understand what happened at the party, but what happened afterwards could be a problem trying to explain.”

 

“But he won’t take my calls or call me back. How am I going to explain anything if I can’t get him listen to me.” 

 

“I don’t know Jen, but we’ll figure something out” Daneel gave him a pat on the arm. 

****

 

Jeff walked back into Jared’s house to find him just as he had left him, typing away at his desk. No one had been home at Jensen’s place when he got there, so he hadn’t been able to find out what happened yesterday, other than Jared’s cryptic remark about Jensen and Matt. Then he got that call from Daneel so he gathered that Jensen was still sniffing around Jared, although he and Matt had hooked up. Maybe he should tell Jared about that and put a final nail in that coffin, but why bother when it looked like Jared had already come to the conclusion that there was no future with Jensen. 

 

Jeff loudly cleared his throat to let Jared know he was back, without interrupting him. Jared glanced up at the sound, didn’t acknowledge Jeff and returned to typing. Frowning and sighing as he walked into the room Jeff was becoming more convinced that there was definitely something off with his writer. “So, still hard at work I see. How’s it coming? Got an outline yet?” He still couldn’t believe Jared was at another book so soon.

 

Not taking his eyes off the screen Jared told him “outline and first chapter are done, almost through the second chapter. You can look them over later.” 

 

All of this was delivered in the same flat tone as this morning. Jared didn’t seem to be upset about anything, so why this niggling feeling of something being wrong with him? Maybe because he had seemed so happy for the last few days and now he was so….so what? So nothing, so flat. 

 

“And oh, yeah, by the way, you had a visitor while you were gone.” Jared told him, still not looking at him. 

 

Who would come to see him? He knew it wasn’t Daneel because he had just been on the phone with her. That pretty much left Jensen or Matt, and he was pretty sure that either one of them coming to see him wasn’t a good thing right now. “Really, who was it” he asked not really wanting to know. 

 

“Yeah, your friend Matt stopped by. Told me to thank you for the wonderful night he spent with Jensen.” 

 

Still no emotion in his voice. It was like Jared had been turned into a pod person, a Jaredbot. Running his hand through his hair Jeff tried to think of something to say, to break through the wall he could now see Jared had built “listen Jared, I” he started, only to be interrupted. 

 

“It doesn’t matter Jeff, don’t worry about it. I’m fine” and on he went typing. 

 

“Okay, let me know when you’re ready to have me read the new material. I have some calls to make” Jeff thought he needed some input from Jared’s other friends and went off to the guest bedroom for privacy. 

*****

 

He had told Jared he was going out to meet Daneel. It wasn’t really a lie, he was going to see her, but first he was meeting with Tom, Mike and Misha. After reading Jared’s newest material he was more worried than ever. Technically the writing was fine. But it certainly wasn’t anything close to what he usually wrote. This was dark and sexual, not emotional and romantic. The four of them were back at Jake’s trying decide what, if anything, they could do to get Jared over whatever emotional crises he was going through now. 

 

“So you think Jared’s upset he found out Jensen was the man whore you had warned him about? Is that it? Isn’t that pretty much why you had brought Matt along to start with?” Misha asked a little perplexed why they were there. 

 

“The problem is I think it was already too late. Now I think Jared had already fallen for Jensen. You haven’t seen him today. It’s like he just shut down. The lights are on but no one’s home” Jeff sighed. “Maybe you should all see what I mean before we decide to do anything. How about I get him here tomorrow night, can you all make it?”

 

They all agreed to meet at Jakes at 8 tomorrow night for a late dinner with Jeff and Jared.


	8. Chapter 8

Jared was pretty sure this was meant to be another “intervention” but didn’t really care. He was fine. He was writing, eating, cleaning, doing everything he did before Sandy or Jensen betrayed him, so whatever anyone else thought, well that was their problem. He went along to Jake’s with Jeff because he was hungry, and knew if he didn’t go the rest of his friends would descend on him at his home. So this was easier. They had been talking about a lot of nothing for the last hour. He could tell his friends were trying to get a read on him but he gave them nothing. He was a blank wall, nothing to read here, no siree. Sitting there, nursing his third beer he caught the tall, pretty blond eyeing him again. She was the new bartender, and it seemed every time he looked over at the bar he found her looking at him. This time she smiled at him too. He was pretty sure that talking to her would be less stressful than continuing to sit here. He was also pretty sure that it would get his friends off his back if he showed an interest in someone. So, killing two birds with one stone “I’m gonna go get another beer” he announced and sauntered over to the bar.

 

Sliding the beer bottle in front of Jared she leaned on the bar and smiled at him “Boys night out?” Jared smiled back “Nah, it’s an intervention. For me” and he picked up the bottle and downed half the contents in a few gulps. 

 

“Well then maybe you should slow down” she frowned and stood up straight again. 

 

Still smiling Jared shook his head at her “Not that kind of intervention. They think I’m depressed from a failed relationship”.

 

“You don’t look depressed. Are you?”

 

“Nope”

 

“Well then, I guess I won’t volunteer to cheer you up” she smirked at him. 

 

“I said I wasn’t depressed. I didn’t say I was happy. You could still volunteer to cheer me up. What time do you get off work? And by the way, I’m Jared” his dimples now peeking out though the smile didn’t really reach his eyes. 

 

“Adrianne. And I’m off now” she put another beer on the bar, lifted the drop door and walked around to join Jared. “So, what can we do to cheer you up Jared?” She slipped her arm around his waist and smiled at him. 

 

“You’ve got a back room here right” he said, picking up both their beers and heading to the back.

*****

 

Jensen was pretty sure that agreeing to go with Daneel to meet up with Jeff at Jake’s was not the best idea. So he had called Chris who had agreed to meet him there, in case things did not go well between him and Jeff. Walking up to the booth he was surprised to see not only Jeff, but Jared’s other friends Tom, Mike and Misha, but no Jared. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed. He really wanted to see the man, but wasn’t sure he was ready for the confrontation. 

 

“Jensen, I didn’t know you were coming” Jeff didn’t seem upset to see him there which relieved some of his concern. 

 

“I convinced him to come” Daneel informed Jeff, “but I didn’t know we would be having so much company” she said, looking at the other men at the table. 

 

Tom got up, pulling Mike up with him “We already ate; we were just waiting for Jared. We can wait at the bar and let you two have some privacy” and pulled Misha up too.

 

“Jared’s here?” Jensen looked around, but didn’t see him anywhere and took a seat in the booth next to Daneel, across from Jeff. “So how is he? I heard he was sick”. Jensen felt like he might be sick himself, and nervously drummed his fingers on the tabletop afraid of what he might hear. 

 

Jeff studied his former friend. So what if he was a dog when it came to sex, because otherwise he was a nice guy. He was loyal to his friends, fun to be around with a good sense of humor and talented. If it hadn’t been for Jared’s involvement he wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about who Jensen slept with. He still liked him as a friend. He had never seen Jensen act like this, like some other guy really mattered to him. But he wasn’t sure that maybe it wasn’t too late, now that Jared knew about Matt. He did know that although Jared said he was fine, was pretending to be fine, it was pretty obvious he was broken again. Crap. Jeff didn’t know what to do. So far every time he tried to help it backfired. So maybe the best thing to do was not to do anything, just let everything play out and pick up the pieces afterwards.

 

Deciding to go with honesty is the best policy he told Jensen “I don’t know what happened at the party, only that Jared said something along the lines of seeing you and Matt together, so he had Genevieve take him home when he wasn’t feeling good. I didn’t tell him anything about you and Matt hooking up. But when I got back to his house this afternoon he told me Matt had stopped by, looking for me. Matt told Jared he wanted to thank me for introducing you guys, as he had a great night with you. So yeah, Jared knows you two hooked up.” Heaving a sigh he continued, “He says he’s fine, that it doesn’t matter, but he hasn’t been himself. I have no idea what he really thinks or feels about all this, sorry.”

 

With a big gulp Jensen swallowed down the bile that was threatening to come up. This was worse than he thought. Latching on to the only words that offered a small glimmer of hope that maybe Jared did still care he asked “what do you mean he hasn’t been himself?”

 

Shaking his head Jeff replied “I don’t know, it’s like he’s not there. He’s walking and talking but it’s not Jared. There’s nothing there. No anger or sadness about what happened, hell there’s no emotion about anything. And his writing’s changed too. He’s supposed to be a romance writer, but what he’s got going now; I’m not sure it could get published, and if it does it probably won’t be in the romance department.”

 

Jensen sat back, letting all of this information sink in, feeling more depressed by the minute. Not only had he screwed up their budding relationship, but it looked like he had screwed Jared up as well. His heart dropped into his gut, his chest tightened and it was getting hard to breath, his eyes were beginning to fill. Dammit he had to get a hold of himself. There had to be some way to fix all of this but for the life of him he couldn’t think how. He was struggling to keep his composure when he felt Daneel give his arm a comforting squeeze. As if reading his mind “just talk to him, tell him what happened with Matt at the party. Tell him you’re sorry about what happened later. Ask him to forgive you. There’s really nothing else you can do right now” she told him sympathetically. 

 

Nodding his head at her, trying to center himself he took a deep breath and blew it out “I’m going to get a beer, either of you want anything from the bar?” Receiving a “no” from the other two, he walked up to the bar to get a beer and was relieved to see Chris walking in the door. 

 

There was just enough room for Chris and Jensen to each take a stool at the bar, leaving one empty between them and Jared’s friends, who were currently shooting death glares at Jensen. He had just finished filling Chris in on every thing when he saw Jared walking out of the back room. Jared was calling over his shoulder to whoever was still in the back, “I’ll get us some more beer and be right back”. He watched as Jared saw him and stopped in his tracks. Their eyes locked for a moment then Jared continued on to the bar, stood on the other side of his friends, got two beers from the bartender and turned to head back. He was disappointed Jared had chosen to ignore him, but then he had ignored his friends as well. 

 

Deciding to use this as his opportunity to talk to him Jensen intercepted Jared when he was half way back to the back room. “Jay, can we talk. Please!” Jensen approached him from behind and put a hand on Jared’s shoulder to stop him. 

 

Jared stopped, turned his head and looked down at Jensen’s hand, then back at Jensen’s face, “I really don’t see that we have anything to talk about” he said, shrugging off Jensen’s hand he started for the back room again. 

 

“Jared please let me explain” he was begging now.

 

Jared turned to face him “Nothing to explain Jen. We screwed around. So what. No big deal. Now we move on. It’s not like we were a couple, not like we cared for each other.”

 

Jensen stood there listening to the words come out Jared’s mouth with no hint of emotion in his voice, his eyes revealing nothing, expression totally flat. Then the words sank in; “not like we cared for each other.” But they did. He knew they did. He knew he cared for Jared and was sure that Jared had cared for him. “But we did, we do care for each other. What happened with Matt..”

 

Jared didn’t let him finish “No, we don’t care for each other, or I don’t care for you. It doesn’t matter what happened with Matt”. 

 

Jensen stood staring at him. Jared didn’t care for him? This couldn’t be true! Jared was just hurt, right? He was trying to come up with some way to get through to Jared when a tall pretty blond walked up to him, put her arm around his waist, “Thought maybe you got lost” she smiled up at him, glanced over at Jensen and back to Jared “you coming back or staying out here?” 

 

Jensen had his heart ripped out as he watched Jared lean down, place a kiss on the girl’s cheek “not lost, just saying goodbye to an acquaintance” then pulled her to the back room. 

 

Jensen didn’t know how long he stood there staring after them, but he didn’t move until he felt an arm on his shoulder. “Come on back to the bar. Steve’s here and we got some shots of tequila all lined up” Chris pulled him along with him. 

****

 

Jared knew the girl liked him, wanted him. Knew he could have her if he wanted. He also knew what it felt like to be used and couldn’t do that to someone else. Because if he were honest with himself, and he was, then he could admit to himself how much he still cared for Jensen, how much he wanted to believe Jensen really cared for him. He almost let himself believe it when Jensen was standing in front of him telling him he did care for him. But it didn’t matter, because he wasn’t going to risk it, wasn’t going to risk his heart again. It just hurt too much. 

They had been playing darts in the backroom and she had been getting friendlier the more they drank. He already felt bad enough, he didn’t want to add guilt to the mix. “Listen Adrianne, when I told you my friends brought me here to cheer me up because of a failed relationship I was telling the truth. I’m not ready to start anything up with anyone else.”

 

“Aw, you are so sweet. Don’t worry hon, I’m not looking for anything other than a good time” she whispered in his ear as she draped herself over him and giggled. 

 

Disengaging himself from her Jared handed her a dart “It’s your turn”. He was about to take a step back away from her when he saw Jensen and two friends come in. They were racking up the balls to play pool. Standing behind Adrianne, Jared placed his hands on her hips, his chest flush against her back, he leaned down and whispered “maybe I better steady you, wouldn’t want you to fall over with a sharp object in your hand” and surreptitiously glanced at Jensen to see his reaction. Would it matter to him if Jared was interested in someone else? If it did then maybe Jensen was telling the truth when he said he cared about him. Nope, no reaction just took his stick and watched as Chris broke. Well, he had his answer. Jensen didn’t give a shit about him. He needed to get out of here before he did something he was going to regret, like drag Jensen off and have him again. Or drag the girl off to try to get Jensen out of his head. Neither one was a good idea. “Let’s get out here” he said taking Adrianne by the hand, leading her out to the bar. 

*****

 

When Jensen walked into the backroom trailing behind Chris and Steve he had been a little afraid of what kind of intimate scene he would witness between Jared and that girl. He hadn’t wanted to go back there. But he had to know, had to see for himself that Jared really didn’t care, that he was fine hooking-up with whatever came along. He wanted to turn and run away when he walked in to find her hanging off of Jared, but watched as Jared pulled free from her. So maybe Jared wasn’t interested in her, maybe he was just playing an innocent game of darts with a pretty girl. No big deal. He picked up his pool stick and watched as Chris racked up the balls. He concentrated on keeping his emotions in check and his facial expression neutral. He glanced over to see Jared practically plaster himself to the girl’s back and bury his face in the side of her neck. It took all of his willpower not to go over there, pull Jared off the girl, throw him up against the wall and claim him. Jared was supposed to be his dammit. This was killing him. Gripping the stick so hard his fingers hurt he concentrated on the pool table, willing himself to show nothing when Jared took the girl by the hand and left. 

 

“You’re turn.” He was bumped in the shoulder “Jensen, it’s your turn” Steve was looking impatiently at him. 

 

How long had he been staring at nothing trying to keep his composure? He had no idea. He looked at the pool table. Half the balls were now missing. “You guys play, I’m outta here” he leaned his stick against the wall and turned to leave. 

 

“You okay Jen? You want company” Chris stepped in front of him, looking at him with concern. Maybe not seeing what he liked in his friend’s eyes Chris’s voice hardened, “I should go beat his ass, or sit on him and make him listen to you.”

 

“Leave it alone Chris. It’s my problem and I’ll deal with it” he said stepping around his friend. “But thanks for the offer” he added with a smile. Shoving the heavy door open and stalking out into the night air he hardly noticed when the door almost slammed into someone leaning against the outside wall. 

 

Turning the key in the lock and opening the car door something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. Looking up he saw that it was Jared leaning against the building, staring at him. He stared back for a moment, trying to decide; keep some pride and get in the car and drive away, or go over there and try again to get Jared to listen to him. Ah what the hell, no one ever called him a coward, and this was probably his last shot at trying to make things right. He strode back as quickly as he could without running, was only a few feet away when Jared pulled away from the wall and started to walk away. 

 

Jensen reached out, snagged his arm and pulled him back “Don’t go Jared, we need to talk” he managed to make his voice sound authoritative though that was not how he felt. 

 

“I told you we have nothing to talk about” Jared sighed but let himself be pulled back. 

 

“Jay, I need you to listen to me. I’m going to keep after you until you do, so you may as well just listen now okay”. Not waiting for an answer but pleased that Jared wasn’t trying to get away he continued, “what you saw at the party; that was Matt forcing himself on me. Matt grabbed me and kissed me. I didn’t want him, don’t want him. I only want you. I know that you know I slept with Matt that night. But I got upset and drunk when I saw you leaving with Gen. I thought for some reason you didn’t want me anymore, that you wanted her, and I was hurt. I’ve never had a relationship before, and well, I guess I don’t really know how to behave in one. When everyone else I’ve ever been with are people like Matt, people like me, it was easy to believe that everyone is like that. I know you’re not like that, I do.” 

 

Jared was staring down at him, listening, causing Jensen to hope he was getting through, that maybe he still had a chance and pressed on. “I know you were hurt before we met, hurt badly, and I didn’t mean to add to that. I’m sorry. But you know how it feels when you’re rejected by someone you love, someone you thought loved you. That’s how I felt. I know I reacted wrong but I can’t go back and change things. All I can do is beg you to forgive me and promise that I won’t ever let that happen again. Please give me another chance Jay, please”. He was begging now, his eyes were wet, ready to leak tears down his face, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was Jared’s answer. 

 

For the first time that night Jensen saw emotions crossing Jared’s features, his voice was tight and cracked when he spoke “I don’t know Jensen. I really don’t know if I can even if I want to. You have no idea what it was like to see you with Matt in that kitchen, kissing. Seeing a replay of what happened with Sandy. It’s all too much. You say Matt forced himself on you, and maybe that’s true, maybe I believe that.” Jared’s voice was getting rougher sounding with each word now, like it scalded his throat to say them. “But he didn’t force you to sleep with him.” And now a tear rolled out of each eye “I don’t know if I can get past that.” 

 

Watching Jared start to cry was Jensen’s own undoing, and his tears now flowed down his own cheeks, “Please Jared, give me another chance to prove myself to you. I swear I’ll never hurt you again” reaching up he thumbed the tear running down Jared’s right cheek. 

 

Taking a step back Jared took a deep breath “I don’t know Jen. I have to think about this.” and he started walking away. 

 

“Can I call you?” Jensen pleaded, trying to keep the contact with him going.

 

“I’ll call you when I’ve made up my mind” Jared’s voice had returned to the dull monotone from earlier, causing Jensen’s hope to plummet.


	9. Chapter 9

It was close to 2 in the morning and Jared still hadn’t been able to get any sleep. The conversation with Jensen was on a constant playback in his head. The way Jensen looked at him, the way tears had leaked from those green eyes, how he sounded so sincere. Jared wanted to believe him. But that didn’t mean he could let his heart go like that again. Jared wasn’t sure that he could give his heart again even if he believed everything Jensen said was absolutely true. So what if Jensen thought he loved Jared. He had heard that from Sandy. It took Sandy 2 years to cheat on him. It took Jensen 2 days. The only people he knew that were able to maintain a long term loving relationship were his parents and some of their friends. Maybe it was a thing for that generation. Maybe that kind of thing was passé. But he had wanted it, wanted it so much it had torn him apart when he and Sandy failed. The problem was he knew himself. Knew he wasn’t a one night stand kind of guy, that he wanted to love and be loved. Did he have the courage to risk his heart one more time? Or was he destined for a life of loneliness? If he could just lock his heart away and stop letting that stupid hope keep creeping in, then he would give up and just live through his books. But his damn heart kept betraying him and giving in to hope. That didn’t mean he should let Jensen into his heart again. Maybe there was someone else out there for him. Maybe he should have given Adrianne a chance. Tossing and turning he finally managed to fall into an exhausted sleep sometime after 3. 

 

Bleary eyed and headachy from lack of sleep he stumbled into the kitchen expecting to find Jeff at the table with coffee made. He was disappointed there was no coffee, but a bit relieved there was no Jeff. Popping some aspirin and starting a pot of coffee he went to his desk to start work for the day. Re-reading what he wrote yesterday all he could think was UGH. This was not his writing, not his style. He spent the morning re-working the outline and deleted the chapter he had already written. Anything to keep from thinking about Jensen. He would just keep working until it was time to go back to bed. 

 

“Jared. Jared, wake up” he was being shaken by the shoulder. Jeff and Daneel were standing over him. “Come on, get up, we brought dinner”. Jeff grabbed him by the bicep, pulled him away from his desk, and dragged him out to the kitchen where Chinese take out boxes were spread out on the counter. “Are you okay?” Jeff sounded concerned.

 

“I’m fine, just a little tired, didn’t get enough sleep last night” Jared yawned while piling food on his plate. 

 

“How are you really doing? We know you ran into Jensen last night, and you look like crap right now. Do you want to talk about it?” Jeff asked while filling his own plate. 

 

“I don’t know Jeff. Jensen told me what happened, said he’s sorry, but I just don’t know if I can trust him. Actually I don’t know if I can trust anyone again.” Jared sighed and concentrated on his plate, unable to meet his companions’ eyes. 

 

Jeff scrubbed his hand over his face and sighed, “Really Jared? You really think you’re capable of closing yourself off like that? I know you’ve been hurt and don’t want to go through that again, but be honest with yourself. No matter how afraid you are of getting hurt again you’re an emotional guy, or you wouldn’t be such a good writer. I don’t believe you can close yourself off like that without just becoming a hermit. You look like you haven’t slept in days. Why don’t you get some sleep and think about this when you’ve got a clear head.” He pulled the now empty plate away from Jared and nodded his head in the direction of his bedroom.

 

It was only 7pm and Jared was exhausted but pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to sleep with so much on his mind. But Jeff was right. He needed to have a clear head to make a decision about Jensen. Because it wouldn’t just be about Jensen, it would be about how he lived the rest of his life. Could he lock his heart away forever? If not, did he trust Jensen enough to take a chance on him again?

****

 

Jensen picked up his beer and downed the rest in a gulp. Setting it down on the coffee table next to the 2 other empties he stared morosely at his friends. He squirmed under the scrutiny he was receiving from them. 

 

“Look Jen, I know you like the guy, like him a lot, but this isn’t you. What’s going on, I’ve never seen you like this, you’re acting like a lovesick teenager” Steve set his own beer down. 

 

“I love him. I don’t know what to do, how to convince him that I know I made a mistake and would never do it again.” His voice was cracking and he had to close his eyes against the moisture that was building in them. He felt exposed enough without losing what little pride he had left, he wasn’t going to cry in front of Chris and Steve. But he hadn’t slept all night and his defenses were seriously impaired. 

 

“Love! Really? Jen you’ve never had a real relationship and now you think you’re in love? Maybe you should take some time and really think about this. Think about how you feel” Steve counseled. He couldn’t believe that Jensen was talking about love so soon. Jensen barely knew Jared. Yeah he knew there were couples who claimed they fell in love at first sight, but really, he didn’t know any personally, and was disinclined to believe in it until he witnessed it with his own eyes. 

 

Chris countered “If you really believe you love the guy stop sitting here moping and go to him, show him how you feel. I know you said you talked to him, but you can’t just give up like this if you really love him. Go convince him”. 

 

Jensen mulled over first what Steve had said. Tested out what truth may be in his words. Did he really love Jared or was he just swept up in the first time he wanted to be in a relationship? Which lead to the question why did he want to be in a relationship with Jared? He thought of the possibility that it would fail before really getting started and felt sick about that prospect, and knew he loved Jared. He knew it deep down, with his whole being; he knew he loved the guy. Taking Chris’s words to heart he picked up his keys and headed for the door.

 

“That’s my boy” Chris smiled at his departing back.

*****

 

He rang the bell and knocked on the door, impatient to see Jared, to resolve this whole mess. About to start pounding on the door he almost rapped his fist into Jeff’s forehead when the door was pulled open. “Where’s Jared, I need to talk to him” Jensen pushed his way in the house past Jeff. He stood there, chest heaving with nervous energy waiting for Jeff to stop staring at him. “Is he here or isn’t he”.

 

“I told you I’d call you when I reached a decision. What are you doing here?” Jared was frowning at him from the hallway. At least he wasn’t expressionless and monotone anymore, so that was something Jensen thought. 

 

He stalked over to Jared took him by the wrist and pulled him into the living room. Shoving him down onto the sofa he sat next to him. “No, no more thinking. I love you and you love me. End of story” and leaned in, sealing his lips over Jared’s. Sucking on Jared’s lower lip he slipped his tongue into the other man’s mouth, teasing the other’s tongue. Slipping his arm around Jared’s back he pulled him in closer, deepening the kiss. Falling back against the armrest he pulled Jared down on top of him, catching him in between his legs. He wrapped his legs around Jared’s and his arms around his back, pulling off his mouth for a breath he locked eyes with the taller man “I love you and I’m not letting you go. I know you love me too” and began nuzzling his neck “tell me you love me too. Tell me.”

 

Jared started pulling away “I do love you, but.”

 

“No, there are no buts about it” and pulled Jared back against him. Rocking his hips up into the other man’s groin he heard the soft moan escape as Jared became less resistant in Jensen’s arms. Taking this as an encouraging sign Jensen slid his hands down Jared’s back to cup his ass, and pulled him in tight as he could against him, and rubbed up against him again. Jared was kissing back now, and heat was building low in his gut. Each time Jared pushed his tongue into his mouth got Jensen harder in his jeans. “Want you Jared. Want to show you how much I love you” thrusting up against him again. 

 

The sound of Jeff clearing his throat reminded them they were not alone. 

 

Jensen released his grip on Jared, pushing them both upright “we need to continue this conversation in private.” Pulling Jared off the sofa he started down the hallway “Where’s your bedroom?” Not waiting for an answer he pushed open the first door to find it was the bathroom, the second door revealed the bedroom. He pulled Jared into the room behind him and over to the bed. Pushing the younger man onto the bed Jensen toppled down next to him. Lying on his side with his head supported in his left hand and stroking Jared’s thigh with the other hand, he looked down at him. God he was beautiful, and they were in love. This was a feeling Jensen had never experienced before and it took his breath away. His heart clenched, his chest tightened and his desire heightened. His dick was beginning to leak pre-cum and his balls were becoming uncomfortably constricted in his jeans. Running his hand up Jared’s thigh he let it skim over the noticeable bulge, lingering a bit to add a little pressure, then continued up under his shirt. He let his hand roam up to thumb his left nipple, felt it harden into a raised pebble. He watched as Jared closed those beautifully expressive eyes, licked his lips, his breathing picked up and his face flushed pink. 

 

“Open your eyes Jared. Look at me and tell me you love me, tell me you want me” Jensen pleaded with him.

 

Jared looked at him with half lidded lust blown eyes. “I do love you Jen.” He smiled up at Jensen, “not sure I want to love you, but can’t seem to help myself”. Then getting serious again he added, “I want you too. Want you forever.” Jared reached up, put his hand on Jensen’s neck and pulled him down into a scorching kiss, thrusting his tongue into Jensen’s mouth, exploring, tasting and sucking on his tongue and lower lip. Jensen groaned into the kiss and rolled in between Jared’s legs. Pulling the younger man up to a sitting position he hooked his thumbs over the hem of his shirt and slowly raised his hands up along Jared’s side, feeling the heat pouring off his skin, pulling the shirt up as his hands skimmed the heated flesh. He let his hands travel up that finely sculpted torso enjoying every inch. Finally pulling the shirt off he let his eyes drink in the sight. Jared’s chest was flushed and heaving with deep breaths, his desire almost palpable. The one nipple he had already brought to hardness darker than the other. Jensen leaned over, taking the hardened nipple in his mouth and sucking it while thumbing the other to hardness, making Jared moan in pleasure. 

 

Jensen ripped his own tee shirt off as fast has he could, pushed Jared down on his back and went to work removing the belt and undoing the button and fly on the younger man’s jeans. He pulled the fabric down to reveal grey boxer-briefs with a tell tale wet spot over the impressive bulge trapped there. Jensen cupped the leaking cock through the underwear, rubbing the head causing the wet spot to grow. “Mmmm, nice” he heard Jared murmur.

 

“Yeah it is” he agreed, “You do have supplied don’t you?” 

 

“Well, no. Didn’t need any, Sandy was on the pill, so no condoms, and well, didn’t need lube with her.”

 

“That’s okay, we can work around it. Just get naked” he demanded as he got himself undressed. He crawled back between Jared’s legs and kissed, licked and sucked his way up the inside of his right thigh to his groin. Sucking a bruise into the sensitive skin where his leg met his groin he took Jared’s balls in hand and gently pulled and massaged them. Then he kissed his way up his torso to that long neck, the jaw line, and finally claimed his lover’s mouth again. The whole time he worked his way up Jared’s body he dragged his own leaking cock along Jared’s long leg. The friction was making him ache for release. 

 

Settling his own chest on top of Jared’s he grasped both their cocks in one hand and began to stroke, causing more soft groans to escape from Jared, who thrust his hips up into Jensen. “Want you, gotta have you right now” Jared whispered. 

 

Jared pulled his arms around Jensen, lifted his right leg over him and suddenly Jensen found himself flipped over onto his back. Jared lifted himself off Jensen and straddled his hips. Then he crawled up Jensen’s body until his cock was in front of his face. Turning around so he was now facing Jensen’s feet Jared leaned over onto his elbows, his cock hanging in front of Jensen’s face as he took Jensen’s leaking dick into his own mouth. 

 

As Jared sucked his cock into the wonderful heat Jensen reached up and guided Jared’s engorged length into his mouth. The heat his own cock was encased in, with the suction now being applied was driving Jensen crazy with desire. He thrust his hips up into that moist heat and sucked down the cock in his own mouth. It was so big, too big to take all the way, and just hoped that Jared didn’t start thrusting into his mouth. Now they were mirroring each other’s efforts, driving each other closer, closer to the edge. Then Jensen felt a fingertip circling his hole, toying with that sensitive skin while the suction on his cock increased. Oh god he was going to lose his mind it felt so good. He wanted this to go on forever, have Jared sucking him while he sucked on Jared. Sooo good. Jensen could feel spit dribbling down his cock as Jared took his finger and sucked it into his mouth along with Jensen’s cock, then took the spit slicked finger and returned it to the fluttering skin around his hole. Jensen spread his legs wider, getting lost in the sensation of being sucked and fingered. Then he mirrored Jared’s action and began fingering Jared’s hole.

 

He pushed his finger past the outer muscle and up into the silky hot channel, turning and twisting the finger watching it disappear into his lover. Watching that, feeling the heat clenching his finger, feeling the moist hot suction on his dick, his own ass being finger fucked was becoming too much. When Jared found his prostate and began stroking that Jensen was unable to stop himself from thrusting up into that wonderful suction. His mouth was being fucked by Jared’s dick, his ass by those long fingers at the same time he was fucking Jared with his mouth and fingers. He could feel his orgasm was almost upon him, could feel that fire in his belly, his balls were drawing up and his cock was going to explode. He clenched his ass cheeks around that finger, thrust into that moist heat. He came into Jared’s mouth as he sucked even harder on Jared’s dick. He rammed his fingers up the younger man’s ass, stroking his prostate until he had milked his lover dry through his orgasm. Pulling his finger out of Jared’s hole, he turned his head and let the spent cock fall out of his mouth. Jared climbed off of Jensen and lay down next to him. Pulling the younger man’s head down he sealed his lips over the other’s and tasted their own release in the other man’s mouth. 

 

“Guess you were never a Boy Scout huh” Jensen smirked, “We’re going to have to do something about your lack of preparedness.”

*****

EPILOGUE

 

Jensen pulled out of Jared’s ass and collapsed onto the mattress next to him. His own ass was still throbbing from being filled by the younger man. Jared had mounted him, pounded away till Jared came in him, filling him up hot and sticky. Then Jensen had flipped them over so he could find his own release in Jared’s hot tight ass. 

 

They were in Manhattan, staying at the Waldorf for the RITA awards. Jared was up for Best Inspirational Romance novel. Jensen couldn’t believe that it had been close to eight months since they had met. Time had flown so fast. It seemed like one day they met, fell in love, broke up and the next they were living together. Jensen had moved into Jared’s house the week after they met and they were more in love every day. Jensen couldn’t believe he not only was in a loving relationship, but it actually felt like he was a different person. There was a Jensen who was pre-Jared and a Jensen who was with Jared. He actually had nightmares of being single again, which made him wake up almost laughing, because before Jared, his nightmares were of waking up to the same person every day.


End file.
